“All it takes is a beautiful fake smile to hide an injured soul and they will never notice how broken you really are.” – Robin Williams

If my family and friends would describe me in one word, that word would be "happy."

In the past, I often used my smile as a mask to cover up my anxiety and depression, and masking it was a hidden talent of mine. To everyone who knew me, I appeared to be the happiest girl, a smile always on my face. Growing up, I struggled with anxiety and depression, but it was always bearable. My anxiety prevented me from doing some things I wanted to do, but I just dealt with it. Fast forward to freshman year of college…

I was that girl who was ready for college and the many things it had to offer: a fresh start, new friends, etc. But only a few days into the fall semester of freshman year, my anxiety and depression took control of my life. The once happy girl I used to know was a distant memory. I spent nights without sleeping, days without eating and hours pacing and sobbing hysterically. I couldn't even function. It was terrifying, terrifying to not be yourself.

You never know what depression is truly like until you experience it for yourself or witness someone going through it, because everyone experiences it differently. No one seemed to understand what I was going through. Depression feels like you're sinking, like you're buried alive or drowning and you can’t escape. You feel alone, even though you know you're loved. Depression is like an invisible limb that you know is there, but other people can’t see it.

So many people would ask me, “What triggered your depression?” “Was it being far from home?” “Oh, honey, college is an adjustment, you have to give it time.” No one understood. It was me. I was sick. Unfortunately, my depression and anxiety are genetic, and it was just a matter of time for them to hit, and when they did, they hit in full force. I can still remember just how painful it really felt. I didn’t believe in myself. I didn’t know myself. I didn’t like myself. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t even function. I didn’t want to be alive. And that wasn’t me, which was terrifying. I loved life. I lived for life.

I became so sick that I was faced with the decision to withdraw from school for the fall semester, a decision that felt like it was the end of the world. I returned home to get healthy there, and was determined to return in the spring, and so I did. So I lived happily ever after?

No. Anxiety and depression are something I have to live with. I have good days and bad days and I accept that. Instead of dwelling on why this was happening to me, I quickly found the good in it. I slowly started telling people my story, that I suffer from anxiety and depression. As I began to share my story, I learned how insanely common anxiety and depression are, especially among college students. I learned that instead of viewing my anxiety and depression as a weakness, I should view it as a strength.

Anxiety and depression aren't something to ever be ashamed of. I don’t share my story to get pity or attention or make people feel bad for me. I share my story to empower and inspire others. If you are suffering from anxiety and depression in college, know that you are not alone. Chances are that more than half of the people you know suffer from it, too. Sharing your story could help someone else. It's OK and it gets better.

Above all, I learned that although it may feel like it, depression doesn't define who you are. Overcoming depression seemed impossible at the time, but you have to keep fighting. Depression, as sucky as it can be, makes you a much stronger person and gives you more of an appreciation for life, and more empathy to those with mental health problems.

Although it was one of the darkest times of my life, I’m thankful to have gone through the depression, because sometimes it takes suffering to know the good. Sometimes it takes something like depression to make you appreciate life and each day just a little bit more. Depression doesn't define you; it’s about what you do next to fight it.

Now if my family and friends would describe me in one word, that word would be "resilient."