To my ex-everything,

I say everything because that's exactly what you were to me. My everything. You were a combination of things I never thought I could have. A deadly mixture of good lucks, gut-splitting humor, and passion I had never experienced before. From the first time we met I was hooked. You made me feel like a fairy-tale princess that had finally found her prince. Little did I know that a wolf could hide so easily under the wool of a sheep.

You started with small comments here and there. Things that could almost pass as jokes; we did have an open and blunt sense of humor, after all.

" God, you eat a lot. You're going to end up the size of a cow."

"You're really wearing that? Kind of slutty if you ask me."

These were easy enough to make excuses for. They were kind of funny. I mean, I did eat a lot. And I took the "slutty" comment as you being protective and not wanting others to look at me. That was actually cute, in a way.

However, did you ever notice that after I laughed I would turn from you? I bet you never saw the hurt in my eyes. I tried my best to make sure of it. I'd never want you to feel bad for making jokes. After all, you were my everything. But one day, you said the wrong thing and I snapped. The response I received still aches to this day.

"You are just an insecure bitch. No wonder everyone else left you. Learn to take a joke."

I was no longer laughing. I was crying.

That was our first true fight and it got ugly. We screamed, we clenched our fists until we were white-knuckled. Then you threatened to leave and my world stopped. You couldn't leave. You were my everything, remember? I couldn't lose you. So we made up. You cried with me and apologized and I found myself apologizing for being insecure and over-emotional. Looking back I realize that fight was the beginning of a long road of suffering. That fight is where you truly got your hooks into me.

As our relationship continued the comments became worse and worse. Soon there was no mistaking them for humor.

"You are a f*cking idiot. You'll never make it in college."

"You are worthless. You better be glad I like you because no one else ever will."

Over and over the whip of your words would strike me and like a beaten animal, I began to cower. I had drawn completely into myself. You would make the same stinging comments but now I remained quiet. My eyes lost the fierceness they once held.

This is what your emotional abuse did to me. It stole my fire. Your words destroyed me until there was absolutely nothing left. I was numb. You, my everything, had turned me into nothing.

Do you know why we finally ended? It wasn't because of the pain of your words. I could have handled those forever. Once again, you were my everything. No, no. It was because you said the one thing that could free me.

"I don't love you anymore."

At the time those words shattered my existence. However, in time, they became my saving grace. That final blow was enough to allow me to sever myself from you. To move on. And in moving on, I grew.

So I would like to say thank you to my ex-everything. Thank you for teaching me so many lessons about who I am and where my value lies. Thank you for teaching me what type of man to avoid. Thank you for teaching me to have thick skin and a more guarded heart. And thank you most importantly for teaching me that the love I have for myself is way more important than the type of "love" you wanted to give me.

Sincerely,

The girl who has made her own "everything"