Dear Anxiety,
I just wanted to check in and tell you that college is an experience like no other. College is an environment full of open doors and thousands of opportunities. It's also a place of darkness and uncertainty, thanks to you. The pressure to do well is constantly pressing on my shoulders -- to impress my family and friends, and to utilize what I have available for success, but thanks to you, as a girl battling anxiety, I can’t seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel. Not just yet.
Anxiety, so we have met again. Thank you for the countless sleepless nights, for the panic attacks when I least expected them, and for making me cry so hard that I was slumped over the toilet. Thank you for not letting me eat when I know I should have. Thank you for distracting me so badly I fell behind in my classes. Thank you for making me cry at times when I shouldn’t have. Thank you for ruining every relationship I have tried to form. Thank you for making me feel so insecure I couldn’t seem to understand why any guy would ever fall in love with me. Thank you for allowing me to push people out of my life because I felt that I didn’t deserve them.
Anxiety, you are someone I have never managed to fully kick out of my life. You are a part of me, no matter how hard I try to get rid of you. You are the ever-present ghost that is constantly haunting every aspect of my life. You choose to strike when I’m alone, because you know I can’t do anything about your presence. You are the continuous feeling in the pit of my stomach that I so desperately try to get rid of, but simply can’t. You are the pounding heartbeat. You are the heavy pressure on my chest so that I can’t breathe; you are the constant shaking. You are the stress fevers. You are the reason I can’t get out of bed in the morning, or the afternoon, sometimes, for what it's worth. You are the nonstop overthinking. You are the endless worrying and increasing depression. You are the reason I am consciously ruining my own life.
But you are not me. The time has come, and I am finally taking my life back.
This semester I will not let you take over my mind or my body. I will not allow you to hinder my vision of my future, or of my present. I will not allow you to push people out or to hide my true self
away. Anxiety, you, my friend, are in for a wild ride, because I will not let you win our war. You've taken your share of battles in the past, but the war you will certainly not win. I am strong. I am powerful. And I will not lose this time around.
Anxiety, our war is slowly coming to a close, and I thank you for everything you have taught me, for without you I wouldn’t be who I am. You have made me a better person, I promise, but sadly I think your time with me has passed.
Best of luck to you,
Yours truly
