Dear 14-year-old self;
I want to start off by telling you that no matter how awful the next couple years are, you will be okay. Things in your life are going to change, but that is okay. Because you will change, and you will grow into a beautiful, strong woman. These next four year will suck, and you aren’t going to make the right choices at all, but hey, you won’t once you graduate either.
I want you to know that those girls that you are friends with now won’t be around much longer. You will struggle a lot with yourself in the next couple years. You will get through hurt, you will cry yourself to sleep, and you will feel completely alone sometimes, even in the most crowded rooms. I know it’s scary, but if it wasn’t for these low moments, you would never get to feel the highs. There will be a lot of people who come in and out of your life, but you aren’t the problem. One day, in college, you will meet two girls that change that. Within months, they will become your best friends and your people, they will come to the library and help you study or drop everything to be there for you, and you will do the same. Suddenly, it won’t matter who you were friends with in high school.
I also want you to know something else: don’t rush being in a relationship, or having a boy in your life. I know that it feels like the most important thing in the world, but it’s better to wait for a great boy than to give your time to those that don't matter. There will be boys in your life that seem like the only things that matter; they aren't. What does matter is your grades, your happiness, and how you value yourself. That’s the other thing; study, because college is hard when you never learned to study high school. Debate will only last four years, and eventually, it won’t matter that you didn’t place at a tournament, so stay in class and learn something. While debate won’t always be your life, it will teach you some valuable lessons; learn from them, cherish them, because one day, you will have to learn how to spend your weekend not locked in a high school.
Over the next four years, you will experience a lot with your family. There will be good moments and there will be terrible ones. They love you! They only want the best for you. Spend time with them, don’t always sit in your room, and try to understand where they are coming from, because at the end of the day, they are only trying to help. Never take your sister for granted. She will become your best friend and she will be the one to pick you off the floor when you have your first heartbreak. She will let you sleep in her room when you can’t sleep and buy you lunch when you spend too much money on clothes. She won’t always be there for you, though. Eventually, she will go on her own journey, and you will have to say goodbye. All you can do is cherish those moments, because one day, you will do the same.
High school won’t be the end of your life, it will be just the start. One day, you will look back at the girl who was so full of pain, and you will be so proud of yourself. Because you turned out to be the girl she always dreamed of being. You will make it to college, you will fall in love, and everything will work out the way it was planned. You might not ended up going to a fancy school, but that’s okay. You will join a sorority, and it will change your life; people do value you. It might take time to find them, but I promise you will be successful.
The last thing I want to tell you is to love yourself. Don’t worry about what you eat, go to the gym, and don’t cut your hair the end of your freshman year; it will look awful, and it won’t ever grow back to that length. Smile more, and don’t talk back to your teachers. Be loving and sincere to everyone, even if you don’t think they deserve it. Take chances, and most importantly, live. Be proud of who you are and don’t stop chasing peace in a storm.
Love, 19-year-old you
