Hi, my name is Rachel, and I am a feminist.
I don’t know how many of you are still reading after that opening sentence, but I just figured I’d be straightforward from the start. The topic I’m tackling is often pretty touchy, but I promise I’m not going to try to make you agree with everything I believe. I just want to have an honest conversation, and that’s only possible once I tell you why I call myself what I do.
Recently I’ve come across a number of articles (particularly ones posted on Odyssey) written by women who speak very strongly against their feminist sisters. There have been articles such as “I Am A Female And I Am So Over Feminism” and “I Am Not A Feminist, And That Is Okay.” And while I understand that not everyone will hold the same beliefs as I do, it breaks my heart when women bash each other without fully understanding the issues at stake.
In this article, I am not trying to convert non-feminists to feminism. That is a personal choice that each woman must decide on her own. I am simply attempting to explain a little bit more about why I believe what I do and why I support what I support.
First, I would like to clear up a few common misconceptions about feminism:
1. All feminists hate men.
This is a pretty obvious concern, so I figured I’d clear this up right off the bat. I will admit, there are extreme feminists who hate men; but just as there are extreme liberals or extreme conservatives, the extremists do not represent the entire group.
Feminism was never intended to be “man-hating.” Feminism is meant to be a corrector of misogyny, not a gender-swapped version of it. So just as ISIS does not represent all Muslims, please realize that the vast majority of feminists really love their brothers in the world.
2. Feminism is only about women.
To you women who “also believe in strong men,” I absolutely agree with you! Most feminists are advocates for gender equality… and, well, men fall under the “gender” category. Therefore we are advocates for the recognition, respect and admiration of both men and women.
You see, to most feminists, things like prison rape (something that occurs primarily to men) falls into the feminist’s wheelhouse. Why? Because it’s about people being taken advantage of sexually, and it’s mostly ignored (even unknown) by the general public.
Feminism is about human trafficking. Feminism is about domestic abuse – something that, though usually perpetrated by males, still finds plenty of male victims. Feminism is about objectification of both males and females. We want people to see people as, well, people. Not as sex toys, regardless of gender.
3. Feminists believe women and men are the same.
This is both true and false. We believe that men and women are the same in terms of value; we are equally worthy of respect, love and opportunities. Yes, we believe that if a man and woman are doing the same job to the same degree of competence, they ought to be paid the same wages. But that in no way means that feminists claim that men and women are biologically identical or that they have the exact same hormones swirling through their systems. That would be incredibly stupid.
There is beauty and strength in your gender. It's a beautiful part of who you are; but, yes, at the end of the day, your gender is only a part of who you are – it will never be all that you are. It’s important to be valued and respected for – not despite – who you are.
Yes, men and women are biologically different. We recognize that. But instead of letting people define us by our sex, we want people to look deeper into each other before making judgments.
4. All feminists want to “free the nipple” and all that jazz.
Um. No. This is not true. Sure, many feminists are on this bandwagon, but many are not. Sure some feminists don't shave their legs or armpits. That's a personal choice... but why exactly do you care whether a woman decides to shave her pits or not? Why is that even a big deal? She's not shaming you for your personal choice to shave or wear bras, why are you shaming her for hers?
Feminism as an ideology has so much more to do with the philosophical principles of equality in treatment and respect – not whether or not women need to wear shirts in public (just for the record, I'm kind of a fan of the whole "let's wear clothes in public" thing). As a woman, I like my bras. But that is more of a personal choice than a representation of the ultimate “goals of feminism.”
If you disagree with feminism, I would encourage you to look at the root principles of what feminism is: we believe all people need to be valued and respected regardless of gender. If you agree with that, then you agree with the foundation – the core – of feminism. It's more likely that what you actually disagree with is how some women choose to express their beliefs. And you're free to disagree.
Feminists come in all shapes and flavors; just because some believe one thing doesn’t mean you need to agree 100 percent with everything they say in order to support feminism.
5. Feminism is only about women in the United States.
To be completely honest, this one probably makes me the most upset out of all feminist misconceptions. Sure, women in the United States have it pretty darn good when it comes to how we are treated and how we treat each other. But that doesn’t mean feminism is no longer relevant and necessary.
There are women in other areas of the world who are brutally abused simply because they are women. This includes being stoned to death (link caution: graphic content) or having acid thrown on you for a variety of offenses including but not limited to marrying someone your family doesn’t approve of, adultery, rape... Yes, in some places, you can be killed for being raped.
Also, female genital mutilation is a very real and horrific thing. PSA: don’t click on the link unless you can stomach the stories of three women being brutally mutilated in ways no human should ever have to think about, let alone endure.
These are issues that feminists care about. We care about human trafficking and rape culture and pornography. We’re not stupid. We know what’s going on outside of the borders of the United States, and it breaks our hearts.
Most self-respecting feminists are not about to get on a soapbox to yell about how women in the United States are literally being tortured by the patriarchy. Sure, we’re going to call out and confront sexism when we see it (which honestly still happens a lot in America too), but a lot of what feminism is about today is simply bringing awareness to serious issues of disrespect and inequality outside of our borders.
6. Feminism is a “load of bull,” and they’re all crazy.
To be honest, this one makes me laugh, but I can see how people would think feminism is useless. It’s not like feminist has ever accomplished anything useful before like the 19th amendment, education and access to professional careers for women, the right to have your own bank account, a reasonable concept of sexual consent or anything else we take for granted every single day. That would be absolutely insane. Darn, those crazy feminists for thinking that women have brains and all!
OK just kidding… actually, I'm not kidding at all. I guess I don’t really understand how women can say, “Yeah I get that feminism used to be important, but it’s really unnecessary now, and all the women who are still talking about feminism are just crazy and need to stop.”
All I can say in response to that is this: I’m genuinely happy that you have never encountered a situation in your life where you felt violated or demeaned based on your gender. I’m thankful your cognitive abilities have never been assumed or discredited based on your gender. I am thankful you’ve never feared for your safety because you are a woman. I’m thankful you’ve never had to figure out why you were being blamed for your own rape.
I’m thankful, but you need to understand that not everyone is that fortunate.
I don’t mean to make you feel bad if you don’t think feminism is relevant, I just want you to see that feminism isn’t just about whether or not women can play in the NFL. I’ve actually never, ever heard a feminist get heated over something like that, though I’m sure some people are passionate about it. There’s just something so much bigger than individual priorities that feminists are fighting together: bigotry, hatred, inhumanity, perversion and so many other huge battles.
Feminists talk about the things no one wants to talk about. We fight for people who don’t have a voice or are too terrified to speak up. I’m not trying to convince you that you need to be a feminist, and I’m certainly not asking you to agree with everything mainstream feminism believes (honestly, I don’t agree with everything, but I still definitely qualify myself as a feminist).
I only hope that you can find some value in feminism and perhaps appreciate what so many people are trying to accomplish with this movement.
