We all knew this was going to happen. I never knew a sport could give me so much and I never could imagine how different my life would have been without you, but it’s time to go our separate ways. I know you felt it too. I stopped buying the best $200 sticks to make sure they had some goals in them...I decided icing my hips was more worth it than buying new pants with pads that don’t fall out. Skipping full weekends of games for my other long distance relationship or showing up Sunday mornings a little under the weather and not so ready to play. All the signs were there. You’ve been my life for the past 15 years and somewhere in between I’ve found other things to live for. As I approach my last game, all of the opportunities you’ve given me will be flashing as quickly as the last puck drops so please don’t think this is easy for me.

It’s not you, it’s me. We both know the game hasn’t changed. I’ll still lace up my skates the same way my dad did for me as a curious 6-year-old. I’ll still find the time for that nostalgic moment of hitting the ice and realizing how much bigger it is than I am. Or maybe even get there a little early to be able to take in the quiet and peacefulness of the ice after being paced from the Zamboni, as if it doesn’t know the chaos that’s about to take place on it.

I’m dreading that third period buzzer that’ll tell me my times up. My childhood’s past me and I know it was of my own doing. We both know life started getting in the way a long time ago. Let’s be real, I was never the player that would choose to run warm up laps over a pre-game dance party in the locker room. Actually, I was usually the one in the lead of that dance party. On more than one occasions I would probably almost miss my shift while scanning the bleachers for the cutest boy. I know I would get mad when my mom would take my sister shopping while I had to go to practice and to this day I’ll wonder what I missed during those sleepovers I couldn’t go to because I had an early morning game the next morning. However, I would never wish I spent any of those days differently. They made me who I am and we both knew from the beginning, it wasn’t a Women’s Olympic ice hockey player.

I’m not sure what’s next but I promise this isn’t the last you’ll see of me but I can’t continue to be half in on a relationship. However, I don’t think I can ever truly get away from you. For the past 15 years there’s always been another season, another team, another opportunity to meet new people and see new places. Now looking ahead, I don’t have any idea where to go from here. However, if skating with the forty and over men’s league is the best thing the future holds then I’ll still see you late on Sunday nights.

I know we’ve always had this selfish relationship. I’ve always been consumed with wanting to score the game winner or be on the best teams but I have nothing more to take from a sport that’s given me so much over the years. I’ve driven three hours just to be blown out in a game just to turn around and drive home. I’ve flown across the country to help hold a name for New England girl’s hockey in Nationals. However, it’s not about me anymore.

If there’s nothing left for me, I suppose the best I can do is give back to a sport that’s taken me everywhere. Maybe it’s time to take the cage off my helmet and switch the hockey pants for wind pants. If that’s the case I know I’ll look for the goofiest little girl on the ice and make sure she see’s what I saw in her years to come. Or find the little girl with the tape nametag on her helmet who refuses to leave the center circle until she could do backwards crossovers around the whole thing. Or maybe even the one who doesn’t want to play with the girls because she refuses to let the boys think they’re better than her. They all have a lot to learn but we both know where you could take them if they stick with it, even if they need a little push, just like I did sometimes.

I know we’ve both come so far. I’m proud of how far the sport of Women’s hockey has come over the years. I never thought I’d see a WNHL league this soon and this year women are finally able to get paid for playing and little girls have more to look up to and work for than I did. I never made it as some would say but I’m happy with the adventure the sport has taken me on. While I’m not sure where we go from here I am positive I’ll miss you but I promise you haven’t seen the last of me and I hope you’ll never have to.