My previous article, “I’m A 20-Something Year Old Who Doesn’t Want To Get Married,” explained a major reason why I don’t want to get married. The reviews I received were on every part of the spectrum, but I believe the hardest ones that I received came from the people who were closest to me. With the talk of my sister getting married in September, there are a lot of questions coming my way. Do you think you’ll ever get married after school? Why aren’t you interested in the topic of marriage? You don’t know what you’re talking about saying 'no' to marriage, you’ll change your mind once the right one comes along. We’re not saying get married, just find a nice man to spend your time with. Finish school, then you’ll see that you want a family. But I don't.
I come from a fairly traditional American family; I went to church when I was little (I don’t anymore, mostly because I don’t have any time.) My parents were married for over 20 years. I grew up in a house with a dog, went to school every day, both my parents worked 9 to 5 jobs. So when they, and a lot of others, hear that I don’t want to get married, it’s almost as if they get offended. I feel as though they’re a little caught off-guard of the unfamiliar.
But, what if I don’t change my mind? As a woman of the 21st century, I can assure everybody that times have changed. Women are pursuing careers; they’re doing things on their own, without a partner and without any help. Women are adopting children as single mothers and raising them on their own, and fabulously might I add. I’ve known plenty of men that have never wanted to get married, and people have never asked them why. People have never questioned it at all, actually. So why is there such a double standard?
To be fair, I understand why someone might be confused why a woman wouldn’t want to start a family. It’s the “American Dream.” But I have extremely large hopes and dreams for myself different from a family. I’ve always been very independent, doing things on my own time and my own way. I’ve never really cared about what others had to think about the way that I lived my life. But, I’ve come to see the trend that almost every person that I tell that I do not want to get married to -- they immediately become defensive. They quickly ask why I’m so against it. I’m not. I love the idea of marriage and seeing somebody so in love with another human being. I love the idea of being a princess in a large wedding gown and walking down the aisle to my prince. But I also love the idea of following my dreams, and not having to worry about hurting other people in the process.
The career that I want to be in involves late nights, early mornings, maybe court to present evidence -- I don’t want to have to worry about not giving my entire heart to someone else 150 percent of the time because I will work so much. I don’t want to have to worry about missing my child’s first large milestone because I was stuck in the lab all day.
I’ve never done things any routine way like everyone else. I’ve always had my own plan, which seems to have worked out pretty well. So, I’m not entirely sure why everybody thinks that this is any different.
So, to all the people who are defensive about me not wanting to get married, or the people who think that I will change my mind: Please just be happy for me, and don’t try to change my mind.
Maybe, someday, once my career settles, I’m fully out of school and financially stable (I’m thinking I’ll probably be around 30 to 35, at this point), I’ll want a family and a life partner. But right now, at 21 years old, I just don’t see it happening.
So, to all the people who don’t see them selves getting married, I applaud you. I know what it is like to have to fight a stigma every single day that after college comes a partner and a family. It doesn’t for everybody -- and that is OK. Don’t worry about what others have to think about the way you choose to follow your dreams. Just remember to follow your heart and everything else will fall into place.
