Almost one year. On Thursday, January 9, 2020, it will be a whole year without you.
Sometimes I sit here in my own mind and wonder how, how did we make it? How did we get past the tragedy, how did we move forward, how do we keep living? Then I picture your smiling face and know you are looking down at us and that's when I realize how.
We make it every day even with the pain we face because we have the most wonderful guardian angel there is.
A year has passed and I can't even keep count of the amount of times people have told us the pain will get better with time. I can honestly say that's the biggest lie I've ever heard in my life! Seeing the hurt that my aunt and little brother go through makes me wonder why and how could such evil exist in this world. And not being able to take their pain away is something that makes me so angry.
Throughout this year we have made it every holiday, birthday, family gathering, illness, and other issues without you. I say that like it is so easy. But it was far from it! My go-to, my shoulder to cry on, my person to hold my hand, my baby boy's grandmother, my family's EVERYTHING was taken from us in the most horrific way.
She was murdered. Still, a year later I get sick by saying that.
Growing up my Mama was my hero. Anyone who knew her knows her face lit up every room she walked into. She was the life of every party. She was PERFECT and the best mother my little brother and I could ever ask for. Looking back I see how much she did without to give us all our wants and needs! And even now more than ever I see how she hid her pain so well.
My mom is now a statistic and that's something she never deserved to be.
She was the 1 in 4. She was one of the more than thousands of people murdered each year due to Domestic Violence. Just like everyone else she didn't deserve it. And the world we live in today just keeps getting worse and worse.
Even a year later I still have so much hate and anger, and this I know is an awful thing. But I think about the people who knew this was going to happen. People who he'd told he was going to do this and I guess they didn't take him seriously. I have anger toward them, toward him (even though he isn't alive anymore), and at times I even have anger toward myself because I wish I could have prevented it.
But at the end of the day I know there was so much evil in him he would have gone to any lengths to hurt her so she could never be happy.
A year later my little brother still faces daily challenges, my aunt's heart still aches, my family has changed in so many ways, and I have faced things I wish on no one! But I can say that Mama's story has changed not just our lives, but many others. This year I know personally her story has touched lives through messages we have received. And for that, my heart is slowly going back together.
Piece by piece we have started putting our lives without her back together, but it will never be the same.
So as someone who was once a victim myself, I say please leave. I was lucky I got out of my abusive relationship. But I wasn't strong like her! She hid her pain so well, most women and men do. But I am telling you that you are strong, you are beautiful, you are worthy, you can do this, and there are so many people out there willing to help you get the help you need.
So in 2020 let's stand up, speak out, shatter the silence, and stop domestic violence! #StopTheViolenceforBrandi
If you or someone you know is in need of help, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
