I thought that getting out of an abusive relationship would end the abuse. I thought my kids and I would be on to a better life. I was sure the pain I endured would not continue. I was wrong.
There are a few things they don't tell you when you get out of a domestic violence situation. The biggest one is you will have a hard time trusting people again. My husband has had to deal with my insecurities and fears. He has been patient and kind even when I freak out over little things. I love and trust my husband but there are moments my hormones take over and I doubt. It may not seem like a big deal but it can be hard on the other person in the relationship. Trusting anyone is hard when the person you shared your life and bed with were the ones to bring you the most pain.
Domestic violence does not just affect one person. The isolation that comes with it is caused by breaking friendships and family relationships. The words exchanged between family are hard to take back. The things that are said about family and friends can make it hard to rebuild it. During isolation, they feed you what they want you to know about your family. They say it over and over again, so much so that you start to believe it.
When the relationship ends you are left on your own with all these ideas in your head about family and friends. It takes time to reconcile your mind to the truth.
If you are lucky enough to get out without children, it is easier. When children are involved, the relationship doesn't end. You are left with a lifetime of birthday parties, graduations, and weddings. Even if the person disappears from your life, the children will tie you together. These children who have lived through the same abuse you have. They are broken and in need of love and attention. It is hard to help put together their broken pieces when you are broken as well. It is scary to think about what could happen. What my children will go through when they get into relationships of their own.
Will the years we spent together cause them to have a hard time trusting people? It is something that can't be predicted and only hopefully prevented.
It's been a long time for me. I have moved on, got a career, and a couple of college degrees. As far as I have come there are times when my brain goes back there. When I hear of someone else going through it. When I watch a movie or show that touches on it. The memories don't go away.
My life is not the same that it was and I am safe and happy. It doesn't take away the years that I lived through. Time has not given me back what I missed with my family and friends.
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