The phenomenon of the SWUG life – you’ve heard of its terrors, you’ve witnessed it plague your older peers, you’ve feared its coming; yet, you never believed it would actually happen to you. Well, my junior girls, the time is nearly here, and soon enough, you too will be a swug. A senior, washed-up girl taking her last two semesters by storm. No worries, my friends, it’s a lifestyle you will soon own and grow to love all too well; however, to prepare you, we have culminated some points that’ll have you thinking “what a time” to be washed up as you confidently succeed us former swugs in a few short months.
1. If you want to wear sweatpants to the pregame, wear sweatpants to the pregame.
Unlike the fresh meat freshmen in tight skirts and heels, you know every soul there. These people have seen you at your best and your worst, thus you have nothing to redeem nor anyone to impress. The dream of going to a party and being able to eat a McDonald’s 12-piece in your comfiest clothes is finally a reality – embrace it, enjoy it, embody it. Drink the free booze, hang out with your friends, and make it to your bed before 11:00 so you can finish season 3 of the Vampire Diaries and still get 8 hours of sleep.
2. Have a bottle of wine and a pint of ice cream handy for the inevitable weekly update of new engagements on your timeline.
This is also a necessary staple for daily statuses from your peers when they announce that they’re going to Harvard Law while simultaneously working at Goldman Sachs, doing cancer research at Oxford, and teaching English to children in Thailand on a Fulbright scholarship, and you can’t decide if you’re going to order garlic rolls with your two supreme pizzas. However, the validation from 400 likes from your family and friends and knowledge that the last four years of hard work have finally paid off have nothing on $3 bottles of wine from CVS and the solace that pizza will always be a part of your life, even if Donald Trump becomes president.
3. People will start genuinely congratulating you for almost being done with undergrad, and you must fight the biting urge to slap them.
Professors, family members, and adults of the sort will love to talk to you about your future. They mean well, yet the twinge of the g-word and reminder that life exists after college will be a wooden stake through the heart every time. A smile and a thank you with a heavy dose of denial and tequila with your fellow swugs goes a long way.
4. The over-involved freshmen, sophomores, and juniors will remind you of your former self and exhaust you with their presence all at the same time.
#tbt to when you were president of your sorority, student government senator, campus tour guide, captain of the club volleyball team, loyal Shabbat attendee, merchandise VP for your business fraternity, and Relay for Life co-chair while balancing 18 credits and going out at least two nights a week. Now it’s difficult to fathom how you have the energy to go to class, let alone look presentable and survive your few remaining commitments without your afternoon nap. Thank God for coffee, dry shampoo, sunglasses, headphones, and more than relatable Instagram memes to remind you that you in your dysfunctional state are not alone.
5. Your undying commitment to your studies will begin to fizzle and long nights in the library will become shorter and more difficult to bear to a point where your desire to get straight A’s will turn into prayers to pass.
All of the sudden you’ll have five exams, two papers, and three group projects and realize that you forgot how to read. No Fear Shakespeare my swugs, because by now, you’ll have mastered the art of bull sh*ting better than you ever dreamed possible. Becoming superwoman at 3am and saving your GPA from absolute destruction will be a LinkedIn skill endorsed by peers and professors alike by the time you receive your diploma.
6. Any suggestions to go to the local hotspots you went to underage will become laughable.
When all your friends with summer birthdays hit the big two-one, the 18+ clubs and hookah joints are ditched for good. The dream of hitting the real bars with your entire squad is finally a reality, and it seems silly that anyone not of legal standing would fathom coming in before his or her time. Although these places will soon become so frequented that they too will lose their sparkle of privilege, you’ll always know where to find the senior class on Thursday, Friday, Saturday (Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday, and probably Monday) nights.
7. The on-campus bar is the unofficial SWUGs anonymous meeting place in between classes.
Don’t waste the time or energy texting the group message for your fellow 21+ friends. Just head on over to the day-drinking hotspot, and you’ll find at least twenty of your closest friends killing the hour over a pitcher and mac-n-cheese bites. There’s no better way to get over the Monday blues with some good vibes and Yuengling from 12:20 to 2:00.
8. More likely than not that dusty bucket list of things to do before graduation has more items unchecked than your overzealous freshman self would be proud of. If you’re really committed to its completion, get a head start before your senioritis gives you enough excuses to say sorry not sorry my bed is too comfy to go skinny-dipping in the campus fountain tonight, tomorrow, and ever.
Even during fall semester syllabus week, you’ll be overestimating how much time you have left. Yet, to be honest, after its all said and done, it won’t be the completion of the bucket list or the culmination of crazy things you did in undergrad that will make you look back on the last four years as time well spent with no regrets. It’ll be the moments you shared with the people you love in the most mundane and typical settings that you’ll miss the most and wish you had just five more minutes to relive. So don’t fret if come April you still haven’t made it to the famous taco joint downtown, gotten invited to a celebrity’s table at the club, or taken a selfie with the school mascot. If staying in while laughing over ridiculous Facebook videos and eating Taco Bell with your roommates is what brings you joy, it’s time well spent no regrets.
