Every athlete knows that injuries are the worst, but injuries that require surgery can often be life changing. Being a collegiate athlete for some time now, I thought that I was immune to injury. Sure, soccer often called for the casual ankle sprain or soreness, but that was part of the package deal. Regardless of the aches and pains I always assumed that I would brush off the dirt and keep playing the game I loved so much. Little did I know that fate had other plans for me going into my junior year of soccer at my university. Like always, I trained all summer, played any pick-up game I could find and felt as ready as ever when pre-season rolled around. Fitness tests went well, and the team looked ready to tackle anything that came our way. We were all excited to see what our future held as a team and what new marks we could make together. Of course, this was all before my personal tragedy struck.
It was the day before our first scrimmage of the year and like every other day I woke up, ate breakfast, complained about how tired I was and went to practice. From the moment I stepped on the field everything seemed a little off, but I brushed it off as nerves for the game that was to be held the following day. It wasn’t even thirty minutes into practice that my life changed forever. I remember it as the stupidest move that I ever made during my soccer career. We were scrimmaging and as the ball moved on the slick grass I attempted to go after it, not realizing that my foot was planted in the ground and only the top half of my body had made the attempt to change direction. In that instant I heard the loudest pop come from my knee and I fell to the ground in agony. In that moment I felt that my soccer career was over and I didn’t even need the confirmation of the athletic trainers because in my heart I knew. After the instant pain subsided I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face because all I could think about was how I let my team down, how I went from a two-year starter to a sideline cheerleader. Everything that I knew and loved was never going to be the same.
Diagnosis was done and surgery was scheduled. While everyone would be relaxing during labor day I would be attempting to salvage myself as an athlete and make my journey back to the field. Throughout this entire ordeal the most painful part was day two, post-surgery. I couldn’t walk and the smallest movement brought me to tears. In my head I assumed that there was no way that I would be a fraction of the player that I was before. Although my hope was as small as it had ever been in my life my athletic trainers kept giving me something to hold onto.
I will always remember the first day that I started my rehabilitation, hence, the worst pain I’ve ever experienced. I can’t remember what felt worse: straight leg raises or when I actually had to try to bend my knee. I cried through all 60 minutes of it, but I knew that this pain was temporary and if I opted out of rehab the pain of not playing would be forever. Time started to pass faster and the small victories were more noticeable. The first day that I was actually allowed to dribble a ball was so inspiring and it was in that moment that I finally felt utter happiness once again. Don’t get me wrong, I was as happy as I could be throughout this entire experience, but until you realize that something you took for granted is finally coming back into your life, you cannot fully achieve maximum happiness.
The final days leading up to my clearance seemed to move the slowest, but finally, March 8 came around. Since then I’ve been playing and today I finally had the chance to wear my jersey. After a year of sitting on the sidelines and crying after every game because I wanted so badly to be on that field too, I am finally back. Yes, this experience sucked and I wouldn’t wish any type of injury on anyone, but it builds you not only as an athlete but as a human being. You are given the chance to stare adversity in the face and decide if you are going to fight back or bow down and give up.
I think the message that I want to stress through this story is that you have to be your biggest advocate, regardless of the situation. Maybe you have never played a sport in your life, but some other aspect of your life has been hindered and you are at the point in your life where you have a choice to make. I encourage you to stare your problems down and fight until you think you can’t anymore and when you hit that point you fight harder. No, you may not always win, but in reality who does? If you have the will to keep pushing forward things will start to fall together and 10 years from now you can look back on the past and realize how much of a better person you are because of the challenges you had. I went from crutches, to no crutches with a brace, to no brace, to jogging, to agility workouts and finally to playing today. I know that if I would have bowed down at the beginning I would have never seen the field again. Whatever your ACL may be, please do me a favor and kick its ass.
