Kara Reese sat at her kitchen counter on a tall wooden chair and looked through some papers, cards and drawings from a big, blue folder. It was all from her time in the hospital in the summer of 2016.

Her eating disorder didn’t officially start until senior year of high school. But the disorder started with certain behaviors, such as refusing to eat meals, around her sophomore year of high school. This was a very restrictive behavior that developed more as her abusive relationships went by.

Kara has had three abusive relationships and they all in one way or another contributed to who she is today. When she was fourteen, she dated an eighteen year old senior and Kara said that it was basically a summer fling.

One night, they went to a party and he told her that if she wanted him to stay with her, she has to have sex with him. “It became a threat of breaking up unless I did it, so I kind of gave in,” Kara said.

In the middle of the act of having sex with him, when she apologized and told him that she couldn’t do this anymore, he hit her right on the cheek, leaving her with a busted nose and lip. “I never spoke or saw him again,” Kara said. He even called her names like ugly and fat.

But even before the next two bad relationships occurred, it was her high school rowing coach that pushed the disorder more to the edge. Kara was a competitive rower at her high school and at the time was a light weight rower, which meant that she had to weigh under 130 pounds. In order for her to get light weight certified, she had to go to a doctor and get a certificate filled out. No matter what, her coach didn’t want her to race in the light weight category.

“She didn’t let me race in the light weight categories and during the state competition, she had us carbo load for it and then I was only point two over, so then I couldn’t race in light weight. So she told all of the parents that I weighed a 160 pounds and had the girls who rowed lightweight flash their lightweight bracelets around and was like ‘I am a lightweight guys,’” Kara said.

From then on, it was always about the number and this forced Kara to become conscious about her food in order to be light weight. She explained, “Being over a certain number seemed overweight and I saw that as something that was negative. So from then on, being in the 160 pounds zone was a fear and I didn’t want to be around there.”

Nonetheless, the abusive relationships were still the main cause and what triggered the disorder, not necessarily rowing. This coach just happened to be a catalyst for what was to come next. “Being controlled made me think that the only thing that I could control was my weight and what I am eating…I think the coach really kicked it to make it shoot a little further and definitely set it in stone,” Kara said.

Kara wouldn’t eat breakfast and would not eat any junk food or as she calls them “fear foods.” A fear food is any kind of food that someone could get anxiety from like chips or cake for instance since it’s bad for you.

Junior year was the second abusive relationship. Not only was Kara still restricting at this point, but she was also throwing up normal sized meals. “He was controlling over what I wore and what I ate. When I was eating with his family, he would make the plate for me and it would be sectioned off. It was a very controlling relationship and he cared about body image. He thought that if he would have a fat girlfriend, he wouldn’t be a ‘hot shot’. I had to abide by his rules if I wanted to continue the relationship. If I didn’t listen to him, I would been choked out,” Kara said.

During her third relationship, she was sexually assaulted by someone who she thought at first could be called a good family friend.

“I didn’t recognize there being a problem. But he was pushy and a very persistent person. He cheated on me a few times and I thought that I did something wrong. When he was driving me back home from work, I put both arm rests down and a bag in between us and was sitting at the door ready to jump out and yet, he was still able to sexual assault me and grab my seat bell,” Kara said.

This was when throwing up food became apart of her daily routine. Kara said, “I figured that if other people are going to try to hurt me, I might as well hurt myself. People can’t hurt me as much as I can hurt myself.”

It never became clear until later on that what was happening was dangerous for Kara and when it came to her relationships and the eating disorder, she made sure that both were kept a secret. In fact, her mother didn’t know that she had an eating disorder until her freshman year of college.

Although the eating disorder has caused her to plan her day around thinking about food, which makes it strenuous to learn, there is no doubt that the one thing that is keeping her spirits high is the Fairfield U rowing team and her teammates. When she was being hospitalized over the summer, her teammates sent her a card and a bracelet to remind her of what she means to them. “They’re my little brothers and they’re like my family. They have been the greatest support system. The boys have been the rock for me,” Kara said.

That is why she will be taking the rest of the fall semester off. She will use the time to recover and be with her family and she is looking forward to getting better so that she can come back home to her team in the spring semester and compete again.

Kara stated, “I would rather get better and have a successful life. Spring is the time to shine. I am going to make sure that I am coming back.”