Dear You,
I can't quite seem to understand how after all this time, every disappointment, I can't seem to give you up.
I wish so badly I could forget you. But your name continues to pop up at work or I see something that reminds me of you. I wish that I could just delete your number and just act like you don't mean anything to me. I can just move on and not feel anything for you anymore. I wish I could be like you and just feel nothing. I knew that this was just supposed to be fun until I left for Arizona.
The more I spent with you the more I fell for you. I never knew I could feel the things I do with you. I felt things I didn't know I could after how things ended with my ex. I had my walls up but everything felt so good with you. I knew I could be myself around you. You actually cared about what I said. (even if you had to ask me a few times) I was actually happy. Something I didn't feel for a long time. My stomach drops when I see your name on my phone. It makes me feel happy but I know it doesn't mean the same way as me.
I didn't always feel the way I did with you. Maybe things changed when I realized that all guys aren't the same. It was much more than that. You made falling for you so easy. I know you didn't do it on purpose but just everything about you made me happy.
We were lying on my bed. My head on your chest, your arms wrapped so snugly around me, like they were created to only hold my body. You were telling me stories about your past and I could hear the smile in your voice as I reminisced with you over days I've never known. I glanced up at you, knowing it was too late to turn back. I had officially started to fall for you. You asked, "What?" in a way that let me know half of you was still in the past. It took everything for me not to blurt out how much you meant to me. I knew I had to just smile and act like I was just caught up in your story.
Perhaps that is why I can't let go because it all was so simple with you. Things had a way of falling into place and fitting perfectly. I was so caught up on those few moments of being intoxicated by you, that all the downsides never seemed of importance. I know we had our fights and I was a brat at times but I was never unhappy with you during the time we spent together.
I wish it was easy to just forget about you here I am, wishing that we could go back to how it used to be. I wish I could be upset with you for not feeling like I do but that's what happens is peoples feelings change and I just need to accept it. I wish I could just lose feelings as you did. I know everyone takes different times to accept it and move on but I guess I am still just hoping that one day, things are going to change. We have talked about it and I was okay with us going slow but clearly, you didn't even want that and I just need to accept it and try my best to get over it. I don't want anyone else and I am still hoping that something will change but until then, I hope you all the best.
Sincerely,
The girl who still is waiting
Feminism Redefined
