This isn't really a poem, for starters-

more of a cleaner version of one of my journal entries.

I've felt these things practically all of my mindfully-aware life,

and others have developed pretty recently.


For starters, I feel as though I'm a burden for my closet friends,

a chore to text, call, or ask to hang out.

They probably don't even really like me,

it's just the comfortableness of time and habit that makes it easier.


Obviously, I overthink way too much.

My own mind has always been my worst critic;

never a person, never a certain place.

Just my brain and the body that possesses it.


I can also be my most dramatic self off-stage,

which probably isn't the best.

Sometimes, one minor inconvenience sets off a whole wave of uncomfortableness,

that even a stubbed toe could send me crying at the drop of a hat.


I could hate my body sometimes, the way it can't fit into a size with a single digit,

because society has taught me from a young age that that is not normal.

And the worst part is that I know this is wrong for the right reasons,

but my stupid brain isn't capable of processing that now.


I worry too much about the future:

whether I'll actually make my dreams happen,

whether I'll get married and have kids by my mid-thirties,

whether I'll find true love at all, because at this rate who even knows.


Everyone goes through the same mental struggles I do,

some so much worse than mine.

That first part eases my worries a little, I guess,

but the second just makes me feel even worse about my weaknesses.


I'm going to have my fair share of good and bad days,

that's a fact I'm going to have to deal with at my kind-of young age.

I also say the word "I" too much, I just realized.

I guess you can see what I mean with all of this by now.


In the end I know the bad thoughts will outweigh the good ones and vice versa,

and I know balance is needed to have a wholesome life.

I just have to stick out the bad times with the hope I always seek to have,

even if that means keeping whatever is inside locked there most of the time.