Social anxiety is defined as "an anxiety disorder in which as person has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations." But because a simple definition doesn't quite sum up the experience of those who have it, here's a list of a few things us socially anxious people want you to know.
1. It's not just shyness
Being shy and having social anxiety are two very different things. Unlike shy people, socially anxious people can have crippling anxiety and intense worry long before, during, and even after a social situation. While shy people can experience this as well, it's much more intense and prolonged for those with social anxiety.
2. We don't hate you
Even if it may seem like it at times, we don't hate you (unless we have a good reason to, of course). Many people with social anxiety will avoid interacting with or having a conversation with someone they don't know very well because of fear of saying the wrong thing or just messing everything up. If a socially anxious person does start talking to someone they aren't close with, the conversation can often be short or almost one-sided. But it's not you, it's our anxiety disorder. You'll probably have to be the one who keeps the conversation going. Be patient, even through awkward silences and awkward us.
3. We can't just "get over it"
We hear this a lot, but no matter how often it's said, it's still never a magical cure that will automatically cure our social anxiety. Many people with social anxiety deal with it their whole lives no matter how much work they put into getting better, but many can also make it through. There are a lot of ways social anxiety can be treated, such as exposure therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and sometimes medication. But it can't be done with a simple "get over it."
4. It's experienced in different ways
Not every socially anxious person experiences the disorder in the same way. There are some who don't even seem anxious on the outside, but are internally screaming on the inside. Others experience more physical symptoms and tend to avoid more social situations than others. Some symptoms that people with social anxiety may get include blushing, shortness of breath, nausea or upset stomach, shaking or trembling, racing heart, sweating or hot flashes, and feeling dizzy or faint.
5. We can get clingy
If you invite us to a social event and it's crowded and we don't know anyone, don't be surprised if we tend to follow you around. Many of those with social anxiety will use people they know or feel comfortable around as a "safe zone" when they feel out of place or anxious.
6. Sometimes we need a push
It's often difficult for people with social anxiety to motivate themselves to go to social events or talk to people. Sometimes it's good for our friends to encourage us to do it and even come along with us for support. But it's also not good to overwork a socially anxious person. Social anxiety is best overcome in small steps.
7. We are actually pretty cool people
When you first meet someone with social anxiety, they may seem aloof or even boring. But don't let those initial judgments keep you from forming a relationship with us. Giving up on us and not taking the time to understand us can lead you to miss out on some great friendships. We just take a bit more time to get to know.
