Now that I’ve finally reached the awkward and indeterminate age of 17, I have decided to share my exceptionally limited wisdom that I’ve garnered over these past few cringy years of my life in the hope that someone out there will find it useful (or read this article pitifully and think, “it’s taken you this long to figure out only this?”) Either way, here are some tips and tricks I’ve acquired from being alive for this long, and maybe you will find it sort of interesting.
1. Only Associate With Those Who Value You As Much As You Value Them
My elementary school years were, unfortunately, full of many one-sided friendships. Being a weird kid meant dealing with a ton of social awkwardness and desperation for friendship, the result of that being in friendships were, despite the upsides to them, full of misunderstood cruelty and inconsideration for my feelings and desires. This might sound a little heavy considering I was 10 years old and younger at the time, but the relationships you form in your earliest years affect how your relationships will be years down the road. What you value, what groups you associate with, and what treatment you believe you’re worthy of are all learned during this stage of life, and if you’re still figuring out how you deserve to be treated now, know that it’s okay. I know many of us were not respected as we should have been by our peers when we were younger, but we can’t let that mistreatment haunt us forever. With that being said, and to get back to my original point, if you value someone who barely acknowledges you, then don’t value them either. The world is full of people who will love you as much as you love them. Seek those people. As the saying goes, “don’t bend over backwards for people who would barely lift a finger for you.”
2. Kindness is More Powerful Than You Think
Like every girl in elementary and middle school, I got my fair share of mean girls who felt that the only way they could find respect or friends was by belittling other. To me, the route of cruelty for power always seemed like one that ended in a harsh abrupt end with no room to turn around. Even on days where I felt like absolute crap, or people treated me like crap, I knew giving unconditional kindness was always the best option. People will always gravitate toward those who exude positive energy, and the best way to harness yours is by sharing it freely with others. I know how tempting it is to think that malignancy is the only way to be respected, but that myth simply isn’t true. Push through the negativity that is holding you back, and you will reap what you sow.
3. Ask for Help
This is a lesson that I currently still struggle with but have learned to apply gradually over my years as a student. As an only child, I’ve been conditioned to believe that if I want something done, I must do it myself. This was another common myth that perforated through my entire childhood. I grew up not asking for help in many of my classes, and although that did help me in developing independence, I was also held back academically by floating through classes while not understanding the material. This lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way. I’ve learned to hate many of my school subjects because I resent that fact that I don’t understand them, and have had to put my pride aside and simply ask for help. Please, talk to your teachers. Do it before the end of the semester when you don’t know anything and you’re up a creek without a paddle. You’ll thank me later.
4. Forgive Others, Especially Yourself
Holding grudges is a struggle many people deal with even into adulthood. May of my early friendships were filled with me holding grudges, and in case you’ve never heard this before, the only one hurt by the grudge is you. The other person usually couldn’t care less if you are upset with them about something from the past. You are the one who cares that constant burden, not them. Let things go, and when you don’t live up to your own expectations, don’t hurt yourself then either. Move on from your shortcomings and see every failure as a step toward becoming closer to your goal.
5. Do Not Become Enraptured By Self-Doubt
During late elementary school and all throughout middle school, I constantly doubted myself in academics, looks, and my importance in friendships. Middle school was the first time I had ever taken an accelerated class before, and I constantly compared my intelligence to my peers. I worried that I wasn’t smart enough to be with everyone, or that somehow, I was a fraud and only deceived my teachers into thinking I was smarter when in reality I was just like everyone else. The best way to combat this doubt is to stop it at the source. Whenever you feel insecurity creeping up on you, stop it as soon as possible before it festers into something you can’t control.
6. Let Others Know That You Care About Them
It is vital that you never take anyone in your life for granted. When the people around you feel like you don’t value them, they will leave and find someone who does. Tell your friends thank you when they do things for you. Compliment them. Be punctual when they make plans with you. Ask them how their day was or if they need help. Be the friend that you would want to have, and you’ll be guaranteed many happy and successful friendships in life.
7. Be Yourself.
Yeah yeah, I know this one is pretty cliché, but people wouldn’t say it all the time if it wasn’t true. All you will do by being someone that you’re not is build friendships with people who love who they perceive you to be, and sooner or later the façade will fall and they’ll discover who you truly are, for better or for worse. When people love you for you, you’ll never have to pretend or be “fake” with people. Your interactions should be as natural and relaxed as breathing, and if they’re not, then you aren’t making the right kind of friends. It can be hard to be genuine when you think you have bizarre or unordinary interests, but I promise there are people who are just as into the same weird crap as you are.
