Bipolar II disorder is a disorder that is characterized by extreme fluctuations in mood, from the highs of hypomania to the lows of depression - much different and more severe than the mood swings that other people encounter on a daily basis. Today, due to stigma, media, and improper education, bipolar disorder is immensely associated with false representations of the disorder that only reinforce the adversities the sufferer encounters, such as the fear of disclosing their diagnosis to others, seeking treatment, and being misunderstood; this behavior can lead to serious consequences, including suicide.
Therefore, it is important everyone knows these seven things about bipolar disorder.
1. Bipolar depression hurts
Even though you were feeling just fine a few days ago, that does not take away from the pain you are feeling now - your depression is not any less severe, it is real and it consists of mornings that are hard to get out of bed, times that you feel like giving up, and moments that you feel like it is not worth living anymore. You feel as if you are no existing for you anymore, but instead you are fulfilling the role in other people's lives as a daughter, brother, friend, or lover and continue to dutifully accomplish your role for fear of the pain that others may experience if you were not alive. Or, in a more serious scenario, you have fallen so deeply into depression's vast nothingness that you begin to, unknowingly, no longer selflessly think of other's emotions and start to deceptively believe that the world would actually be a better place without you in it.
2. Hypomania is just as painful
Although hypomania can come with symptoms that some people may refer to as "advantages," such as heightened self-confidence and a decreased need for sleep, this phase also comes with many consequences due to impulsivity and reckless behavior. For instance, you may feel an increased sexual desire, or an increased need to drink alcohol, gamble, or shop. Not only may you regret this type of behavior in the future, but also this behavior can be considered dangerous and comes with penalties, such as putting yourself at a higher risk for STDs, not being able to uphold responsibilities, and falling into debt.
3. Making long-term decisions is difficult
It is hard to make long-term decisions because you cannot even guarantee that you will hold the same opinion or belief on a simple subject, such as whether you want to have a hipster or grunge style, two days from now. The beliefs, which are influenced by your emotions during a hypomanic or depressed phase, are not the same beliefs you have when you are not experiencing a change in mood. This can create the feeling of being in a constant battle with yourself, as if you are torn into three separate identities: one when you are hypomanic, one when you are depressed, and your true self.
4. The symptoms are not black-and-white
Bipolar disorder does not consist of just two moods, happy and sad. It also consists of irritability, which is a side-effect of both hypomania and depression and a result of the constant feeling of instability in your life due to the highs and lows in mood and emotion. Irritability is the emotion that makes any small inconvenience in your life one that is big enough to make you seriously question your own motives – should I politely accept my professor’s critiques on my assignment or should I begin to sob uncontrollably since I am upset with myself because I just know that I could have done better, all while trying my hardest to maintain a nodding motion with my head in agreement with my professor's recommendations, in hopes of not looking like a complete mess? The answer to this question is most definitely not the latter situation, but that is in fact the situation that will occur; thanks, irritability.
5. Medications come with their own set of problems
Not only are you dealing with the effects of your disorder, but you are also dealing with the side-effects of your medications. Just like with any disorder, it is hard to find the right medication and correct dosage, meaning there is a lot of experimentation to find what works best for you; this process of starting and stopping medications comes with effects such as feeling fatigued, having digestive problems, experiencing weight gain, and simply feeling like crap.
6. It takes time to accept the diagnosis
You were given a label that you must live with the rest of your life. So, it is essential that you make the decision to either claim it or leave it. However, to reach acceptance, you need to claim the label as a part of you, but only a small part of you. This is because, if you choose to deny that fact that you have bipolar disorder or choose to categorize it is a separate entity, you are taking away from yourself and are disregarding a part of your personality that makes you, for example, quirky or different, simply because society decided to stick a label on it, which, unfortunately, comes with a negative connotation or stigma.
7. Dealing with stigma sucks.
Stigma – it is attached to your diagnosis, your personality, you. Not only is stigma present within society, but it is also present within yourself, towards yourself. At times, you may feel as if you are your own worst enemy. Some days it is hard to be confident in your abilities; you feel like an outcast and as if no one else understands the emotions, confusion, and pain that you are going through. However, during these times of self-disgust, it is important to keep in mind that your disorder does not define you; you are not bipolar, you have bipolar disorder, just as someone who has cancer is not cancer. Bipolar disorder, a term generated to describe your “abnormal,” as some may call it, but actually, totally normal, humanly emotions, moods, and personality, is only a part of the bigger picture, which is that you are an amazing person, daughter, son, sister, brother, friend, and you are not alone. Along with 2.9% of the US population, you and I are making this journey to find self-acceptance, happiness, and ourselves, together.
