For as long as I remember, "girl code" has been a set of unspoken rules that all women are supposed to abide by. Watching shows like Laguna Beach and The Hills made it pretty clear what some of these rules were. And we've even seen how this "girl code" slowly shifted into the feminist movement. I do consider myself a feminist, but I feel like this "girl code" needs to be redefined. All girl code is not correct girl code and that is something that needs to change. We need to stop supporting stupidity. We're taught to follow these rules without actually looking at why we do. There needs to be a shift in the way we (females) see ourselves, each other, and this code.
1. Never put a friend in a position of choosing between you and her significant other.
As you get older, significant others begin to play a huge role. According to girl code you're not supposed to let your friend date someone who you don't approve of, but that in itself can cost a friendship. As an adult, you need to realize when to give your opinion and when to bite your tongue. Unless she asks for your opinion of her significant other, it's not your job to tell her what she should and shouldn't do. Putting your friend in a position of choosing between you and her S.O is only going to ruin your friendship. In that moment you need to decide what's more important: expressing your distain or your friendship. Prime example: (The Hills) If Lauren would've held back on her commentary on Spencer, her and Heidi might have still been friends. She chose her hatred over a 5 year friendship (still love LC though and her hatred was valid, but you get the point).
2. It's not cute to have your friends stalk your ex-boyfriend or ex-whatever's new girl on social media.
Sh*t ain't cute. Like at all. I know you want to hear that she's not as pretty as you are or that he looks miserable, but you just look petty. Time and time again, we always blame the girl for the guy's behavior. Prime example: if a girl is talking to a guy you like/are dating/whatever, then it's probably not her fault...it's his. The fact that these girls feel so welcomed to talk to him just reflects how he acts behind your back. You can't get mad at another female for not "staying in her lane" if he hasn't clearly defined a lane for her to stay in. *Drops Mic*. But seriously, ending the culture of men getting a free pass needs to begin with us. We need to stop getting mad at each other and start holding men accountable for their actions. Men will only treat us the way we allow them to.
3. Instead of pointing and whispering about the girl who's piss drunk, help her out.
I'll admit, I'm guilty of this. In the past I've had the tendency to talk about the girl who's too drunk to walk, but I'm trying to get out of that. Instead, I ask them if they're okay or do they have a safe ride home. I've even held back some hair once or twice. As women we need to look out for each other. It's code never to leave a drunk friend alone at a party, but the same should go for strangers. Rape happens too frequently and if we can prevent it from happening by sticking together, then we should.This isn't just in a college setting, this applies to adulthood as well. We should always be looking out for each other.
4. You're not obligated to be every girl's friend.
One of the many misconceptions about feminism and "girl code" is that you have to like every female you encounter and that is definitely not the case. Let's face it, you're human and every personality is not going to mesh. There are just some people in the world that you will never get along with, and that's okay. You can dislike someone and still coexist peacefully. It's all about how you handle the situation. It's one thing to say that you dislike someone, but it's another to trash talk them any chance you get. Belittling another woman to other people doesn't say anything about her character, but it says everything about yours.
5. It's okay to eat cheese fries and not go to the gym right after.
Hell, it's okay if you don't obsessively work out twice a day. Striving to be healthy is something we all should do, but we as women need to stop putting so much pressure on ourselves to look a certain way. I understand that people like the Kardashians glamorize excessive workouts, but it actually can have negative side affects on your physical and mental health. The key is to do everything in moderation. If you want the cheese fries then get the cheese fries.
6. Be humble, but don't be afraid to bask in your success.
Humility is an important trait and so is confidence. These traits don't have to be mutually exclusive. It's important to be thankful for every opportunity and every blessing that you have. But I also think that it's important to know your worth and that you just might have your sh*t together. It's okay to admit that you're in your prime and that you're young, fabulous, beautiful, and about to take over the world. No big deal or anything.
7. Stop apologizing.
Don't take this the wrong way. It's important to be big enough to apologize and to correct a wrong, but we need to stop being apologetic for who we are. Stop saying I'm sorry to say this, but...or apologizing when you're being assertive. We don't need to apologize for being ourselves and if someone can't handle that then so be it. When do you ever hear a man apologize for going after what he wants, for being assertive, or for his sarcastic personality? Don't worry, I'll wait.
