“He hasn’t texted me back in three hours, so he’s obviously uninterested in me.”
“He’s on Facebook right now, but he can’t even call me.”
“She posted a picture with the guy who lives next door to her. I should just give up now.”
Do you see a problem with this? Why have we let technology control the way that we act when it comes to dating? People have been dating, flirting, in serious relationships, and married for ages without the help of technology. (I know, it seems a little crazy.) But how does anyone date without being able to get a hold of them every minute of the day? How are you supposed to know how someone feels about you without texting?
It’s called communication: a term that has been vital to civilization way before the computer and telephone was even invented. Sure, technology is helpful in dating, but is it actually harmful? How many wrong assumptions have you made just because you misinterpreted a text message? How many times have you thought that someone was ignoring you when they were actually asleep or at work? Technology has also changed us into stalkers on every platform of social media. It’s at our disposal, so why wouldn’t we be?
Because it’s destroying relationships left and right. Not just with dating, but friendships also. Without real, face-to-face communication, there is no way to really know what the other person is thinking or feeling. You know the phrase, “When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me?" It’s absolutely true. Below are some recommendations to end all the confusion and actually enjoy dating in our day and age.
1. Don’t explain your feelings in any other way besides face-to-face.
“Did he/she really just say that?” Yes he did, but maybe it’s not what he/she meant. Without social cues, vocal tones and body language, it’s virtually (get it?) impossible to know the real meaning behind the other person’s words. Make sure that any important, emotional feelings you need to share are done face-to-face, not hiding behind a screen.
2. Stop sharing passive-aggressive posts on social media.
All the sad song lyrics, emotional Instagram quotes, and shared blog-posts about “moving on” need to stop. You and I both know that the only reason you are posting them is for the boy/girl you are upset with and so that they will see it on their timeline. Here’s a better idea to avoid looking like a sad puppy dog: tell that person THAT you are upset, WHY you are upset, and HOW to change that. Not too bad, right?
3. Dating games no longer exist, so stop trying to play them.
When was the last time you, or someone else you knew, played hard to get? Are you REALLY going to wait three hours to hit send on that text when it is already typed out? Technology makes it nearly impossible to play games anymore without the other person going crazy and stalking your life online. You are only making the other person go crazy, not make them want you more. This includes using Tinder ("keep playing"). An app that advertises like a game should not be used to determine the fate of your relationships.
4. Ask someone on a date in person.
YOU WANT ME TO WHAT? I know, it’s scary to look someone in the eyes and ask them to get dinner with you. Your life will not crumble though, I promise! While rejection is hard to handle in person, you will look confident, mature, and sexy no matter what their response is. Side note, it’s even harder to say no in person than over text. The person has time to think, talk to their friends, and convince them to not take the chance. Put yourself out there and don’t feel bad about it!
5. Netflix and Chill needs to stop.
How many times have you gone to "Netflix and Chill" and done everything BUT Netflix and Chill? Probably 80 percent of the time. If you really want to just hook-up with someone, tell them. If you want to get to know them, tell them. We need to stop using code words to cover up what we actually want. Communication is sexy and there is nothing LESS sexy (and more scary) than walking into an apartment without knowing what you’ve agreed to.
6. If no real communication is occurring, stop making assumptions.
Texting, social media, and even phone calls are very low forms of open communication. There is a term called “noise” which accounts for any type of blockage in communication. This includes not seeing someone’s facial expressions, not hearing their voice, or (shocker) not communicating directly at all (Facebook-stalking, having a friend text him/her, etc.). If you are not sure what another person is feeling, thinking or wondering, STOP ASSUMING! Simple enough.
7. Talk.
At the end of the day, make sure you are actually talking to the person you are dating. And when I say talk, I mean REALLY talking. Looking someone in the eyes, laughing, talking about anything and everything. Not to beat the dead horse, but communication is key. Real, unfiltered communication with emotion is the only way to real dating. Let’s bring back the days of understanding and appreciating each other.
Making real connections with a potential significant other is vital. The more short-cuts we take in relationships, the less likely they are to be successful. By building the courage to date "old-fashioned" style, your confidence will grow and blossom in every aspect of your life. Recognizing that you (and others) are worthy of real, unfiltered attention will make you appreciate dating in a whole new way. And who knows, maybe by not focusing on Tinder, you will meet someone in real life who appreciates you for more than five selfies.
