Living with generalized anxiety disorder is like living your life on the edge of a cliff. One little gust of wind could blow you over the edge, and you can never anticipate when that gust of wind is going to blow by. All you know is that the wind is bound to occur at some point, and that no matter how much you prepare and brace yourself, it’s a long and bumpy fall to the bottom. Loving someone with an anxiety disorder is a very different experience than loving a neuro-typical person. If someone you love in your life is living with anxiety, these are a few phrases to stray away from when speaking to them.
“Are you OK?”
This seems like it would be a valid question to ask; however, for a person with anxiety, it can make their panic attacks worse. If the person is very visibly not okay, do not ask this question. The person won’t want to tell you they aren’t okay because they do not want your pity, but they do not want to tell you they’re fine because they are in need of support. Instead of asking if they’re alright, ask if there’s anything you can do to help. If the answer is no, leave it at that. The majority of people dealing with anxiety know what they need to do to calm themselves down, so let them handle it if that’s the case.
“You’re being ridiculous.”
Someone with anxiety is fully aware that their concerns are irrational, so pointing this out to them will only make them feel worse. Whether or not you point it out to them, the irrational thoughts will just keep coming, so it’s best for you to just not comment on them at all. In a lot of cases, pointing this out will make them less likely to open up about their thoughts and feelings in the future.
“You’ve been really unproductive lately.”
Anxiety. Is. Exhausting. Neuro-typical people have days where they are stressed and feel overwhelmed by their lives. Anxious people deal with this feeling every day of their lives. For some anxiety-ridden people, simply getting out of bed and showering is a huge step. Little successes feel like big ones, so try to avoid pointing out when a person hasn’t done much in a while.
“Everybody gets anxiety, you’re just being dramatic.”
It is true that everyone deals with anxious situations in their lives. This, however, is very different than living with an anxiety disorder. Being nervous about a stressful situation is typical of every human being. Individuals dealing with anxiety or panic disorders live in a constant state of stress, in which everyday situations cause very extreme panic attacks for seemingly no reason. Do not judge another for something going on in their brain, because it simply cannot be controlled.
“I really want to help.”
While this sounds genuine and kind (as it very well may be), this can give an anxious person even more stress. You can never fully understand how to help someone with anxiety unless you deal with it yourself. Even if they want help from another person, if you just try to jump in and do what you think is best they will most likely retreat even further into their shell. If you want to help a person handle their anxiety, wait and let that person come to you for help. Everyone handles their stresses in a different way, so they will let you know when and if they need outside support.
“Why can’t you just talk about it?”
If a person is in the middle of a panic attack, they will usually want to be alone. Trying to force them to talk about what they’re feeling will only make them feel worse, so just let them do what they need to do to climb down off the edge. They really do appreciate you trying to be supportive and understand, but they will talk to you about it when and if they’re good and ready.
Someone living with anxiety will most always feel like a burden to those around them, so staying away from these questions and remarks is one of the best ways to help them feel at ease. While nothing can necessarily “cure” their disorder, there are steps you can take to support them. Whether or not they say it out loud, they will appreciate you taking their well-being into consideration, and by making them feel more comfortable and understood, you are also making them more likely to open up and discuss their feelings with you more openly. Loving someone with generalized anxiety disorder can be difficult and takes quite a bit of patience and understanding, but it can be one of the most genuine and rewarding relationships you could ever have.
