While just about everyone hates waiting in line, it's an inevitable part of life. We stand, sweaty and exhausted, for hours, to get in a rickety metal car that whips us around for 45 seconds at 100 miles per hour 90 feet above the ground. It sounds kind of ridiculous when it's all laid out in front of you. Yet, somehow, we end up in line again.
On my recent trip to Disney World, I decided to record some of my in-line frustrations to pass the time. Today, I share them with you.
1. Space Mountain, Space Mountain, Space Mountain.
2. Where does this line actually start?
3. This guy looks like he knows what he's doing, I'll follow him.
4. Okay, no.
5. Where is the line?
6. Geeky teens wearing space-themed shirts, I've made it.
7. 60 minutes? Excuse me, what?
8. Whatever, I'll just people watch.
9. Does that person really need a wheelchair or are they just cutting in line?
10. That's awful, Grace, don't think that.
11. I wonder if there's a designated person to enforce that.
12. I wonder if I could get away with that.
13. Alright, this is not the time or place to practice any level of a gymnastics routine.
14. Ma'am, control your children.
15. Ma'am, the son on the leash is not the one in need of restraint, your daughter just back hand-springed me in the knee.
16. Seriously, someone get this woman another leash.
17. Sir, littering is a class A offense in the state of Florida.
18. Okay, look at this guy.
19. We all know you're trying to cut in line, no way your kid just happened to "wander" 50 spots in front of you.
20. No cuts, no butts, no coconuts.
21. Okay, jerky liar face just moved up 50 spots in line, where are the line police.
22. Line police really should be a thing. His jerky liar face wife just joined him.
23. There are so many people here.
24. I love it when sweaty kids scream right in my ear.
25. Space Mountain, Space Mountain, Space Mountain.
26. Okay, this woman in front of me is at least 33 million years old, who is letting her on this roller coaster?
27. Every time she nags her grandchildren a puff of Jurassic age dust comes out.
28. Oh my god, they let her in the gates.
29. I'm worried about her ancient, tender heart.
30. Also, I kind of want to see this lady crushin' it at breakneck speeds.
31. Jerky liar face has at least 75 children and they're all asking him why he just cut.
32. When your own offspring question your morals, that must suck.
33. But he sucks, so he deserves it.
34. This line is ridiculous.
35. There are too many people on this planet.
36. To the child behind me in line; kindly stop whacking me in the calf with your Donald Duck glow stick. I will end you.
37. This fast pass deal seems pretty sweet. How do I get that hooked up?
38. Okay, sweaty kid just yelled "suckers" as he raced to the front of the line. I now hate the fast pass system but want one just to call that kid a sucker.
39. Maybe they'd give me one for free if I told them about jerky liar face and sweaty kid. It's a noble cause.
40. My feet hurt.
41. Wow, it feels better indoors...
42. Okay, dinosaur lady and her family have constructed a human barricade and I am now half inside, half in the blistering heat.
43. I hate waiting.
44. What if I just ran past the gates and jumped the line completely.
45. They'd probably tackle me.
46. And we're walking.
47. And we're stopping.
48. Ah, Disney World. Where fathers can wear sequined mermaid backpacks and drink imported beer out of Donald Duck cups simultaneously and without judgment.
49. I hate lines.
50. *Cue Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines"*
51. Space Mountain, Space Mountain, Space Mountain.
52. Yes yes yes!
53. Update: dinosaur lady is sitting in front of me on roller coaster, what if she dies.
54. Update: jerky liar face and his rabbit-sized litter just got off the ride and one of his kids is vomiting.
55. The wait was so worth it.
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