5 Things I Will Never Understand About America From A Canadian

Ok so I know I was born in America, I carry an American passport, birth certificate, social security number and the right to vote BUT having been raised in Canada there are some things about this country I will just never understand

1. Why don’t you like hockey more

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Guys, hockey is the best sport ever. It’s a bunch of hot guys skating around on ice doing cool things with sticks and these tiny pucks and slamming each other into boards. The whole point is to be faster, better and more skillful than the other dude to try and get said tiny puck into a very small net around a very large man. I don’t understand what can be cooler than that. The players are enough reason to watch an entire season (if you don’t believe me https://www.buzzfeed.com/tanyachen/hockey-players-who-are-hot-as-puck?utm_term=.kl34QZbel#.lrKBpxr7z)

Besides the faces of Sidney Crosby and Alex Wennberg, what other sport can you watch a guy get hit in the face with a puck, skate off, pull his tooth out, and be back on the ice for the next shift? The answer is not many. Basketball is great, football is cool too, but hockey, it takes the cake.

2. Why being nice is funny

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This I’ll never understand. Maybe because it’s the most classic stereotype about Canada there is or maybe because I just can’t see why being known for being nice is something funny. Yeah we say sorry a lot, yeah were very nice people. But America please tell me why that’s funny to you. I am genuinely curious.

3. Why you keep telling us to take credit for Bieber

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This one I don’t get at all. I simply do not care how many buckets he pees in or parks he lays in barefoot. I will continue to yell from rooftops in both countries I am a citizen of that I will gladly take credit for him. Dude is very talented, he is very cute and I like his songs. So please America, continue trying to “give Justin back” because I know I for one will gladly accept him.

4. Why you have a say over everyone's lives

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Maybe it’s because the country is liberal to a fault, maybe its because I haven’t been raised any other way but I cannot wrap my head around the idea that half of America wants to control the way the other half lives (please don’t send me angry Facebook messages over this). If one type of person doesn't perfectly fit the mold they're out. One country lets people do basically whatever they want, and it seems to be working out pretty well.

5. Finally, Your money.

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Honestly, how can all you easily pick which bill to pay with when they all look exactly the same? Where is the color coordination, the un-tearable plastic, the rumored scent of maple syrup imbedded within? There’s just old green paper money that all looks the same and I honestly wonder how many times I’ve accidentally left a $50 when I meant to leave a $5 because there is no red or blue, they’re both just green.