Discovering you have a mental illness is a terrifying experience. I still remember how I felt when I got diagnosed with Bipolar II and anxiety. I was panic stricken. I could feel myself lose control of my mind and my emotions. Since then, it has been a turbulent journey, taking control of my medical situation, and at the same time, supplementing the insensitive thoughts and behaviors of those around me who were struggling to come to terms with my situation.
I've had people pity my parents, question my boyfriend, asking why he would date someone 'crazy' and friends who have tried to have a sit-down conversation with me, telling me how it is just 'in my head' and I can get over it.
It's hard to explain that yes, it is in my head, but you are asking me to overcome something that is beyond my control. No, I am not acting helpless and saying I cannot do anything to better my situation, I am saying that I am ill and I cannot instantly become OK by telling my mind to 'behave itself.' It is a process that I have to undergo to get better, and every person in my life can make it easier by being supportive, and not saying insensitive things that will only make me feel worse.
1. Stop moping around, crying about this won't help
I stopped talking about the mania and the depression when people started reacting like this. I don't voluntarily choose to wake up and stay in bed with closed curtains. I don't consciously choose to not go out or go to work. My body isn't cooperating. I cannot possibly get up because living hurts so much and no, this does not mean that I am weak or incapable. I am having a bad day and it is okay to 'mope' around today because I am not running away from what I feel. Telling someone to just quit crying never helps because you are pushing them away from talking about it. You are making them blame themselves for being unable to get out of the depression rut. Give them time instead and be supportive. Cuddle up next to them. Switch off the lights and talk about their fears. It goes a long way.
2. I am tired of dealing with your illness
This came from a close loved one and it broke my heart. It is understandable that taking care of someone who is ill is very difficult and can take a toll on you. But telling them that you are sick of them can only fuel their anxiety more. Withdraw for a while and take a breather, but never make someone feel bad about themselves when things are not in their control.
3. I know what you are going through. I was depressed once. I was bipolar too. I am so moody, haha I don't know what I even wanted for breakfast
NO. NO. DO NOT BELITTLE MENTAL ILLNESS. You don't have to know what someone is going through exactly to be supportive. You do not have depression just because you were sad once. You do not have bipolar disorder just because your moods fluctuate sometimes. Do not romanticize mental illnesses or think it is cool because it's not. It's like I'm walking up to someone and saying hey, yeah, I know what having cancer feels like. I shaved my head off once because it was really hot. I have been in your shoes. Sounds terrible right? This sounds equally terrible to me too. Just because you woke up and were magically cured of your mental illness by finding the right job or the right relationship doesn't mean it would work out the same way for me. This is my journey, and no, you have no clue what I am going through. But that's okay. What matters to me is that you stick around and love me the same.
4. Treating someone differently and even calling them crazy.
It is so insensitive to do that. I do not want to be pitied. You do not have to be afraid of me. I've had moments where a loved one was ashamed to be seen in public with me because I might throw a tantrum and show the world that I'm sick. I know it could be embarrassing to have attention drawn to you for reasons like this, but making an ill person feel conscious or bad about themselves discourages them to even talk about it. Do not look at someone differently because they are suffering from an illness. We all have our battles to fight. For them, it's a different one and that's perfectly okay too.
5. Get therapy or medication and just deal with it. You have to get on with your life.
I agree that treatment is important, but everyone has an individual journey with their illness. Medication works for some, therapy works for others. For some, it's a combination of both, and for others its none. But what works for everyone is strong, emotional support. It is comforting to know that you aren't being abandoned for undergoing something you cannot just get rid off. It is a lifelong struggle, and everyone wants to go about it in their own way.
Personally, I've never been able to talk to anyone about my issues because I am afraid that they wouldn't want to be around me once they know how I really feel. I've become terrified of communicating because I've been put down so much for being ill. I've been laughed at, made fun of, yelled at for being sick and it just makes things worse.
Please, sensitize yourself to the suffering of those around you. By being careful about saying a few brash things and being supportive, you make someone's journey easier. There is a lot of awareness about mental illnesses now, yet the support and the expected reactions are terrible. Be kind.
