The Grunter
Is that Serena Williams?! Nope just The Grunter. This is the guy at the gym that will not be satisfied unless all eyes are on him. The Grunter is impossible to identify until you hear his scream which bears the intensity of a thousand flaming suns. The funny thing about The Grunter is that the amount of weight he is lifting in no way warrants a scream at all. You can spot The Grunter screaming through his four sets of tricep pull-downs or grunting through an intensifying set of squats. His workout goals consist of being the center of attention and asserting his dominance.
The Richard Simons (Short-Shorts)
This is the guy at the gym wearing the shortest shorts humanly imaginable. His shorts are so short you can practically see his medicine balls. His outfit comes equipped with a neon headband and knee-high socks. His favorite exercise includes anything that involves a giant brightly colored medicine ball. You can also spot Short-Short's by his hearty "one and two and three and four" count through each of his eccentric exercises. His workout goals include living a positive lifestyle and to just sweat it out!
The "Can I Help You With That, Bro?" Guy
Although at first this guy might seem to be a gregarious and polite fellow just trying to give you a few pointers, he will soon turn out to be your worst enemy. For every exercise you do he will for sure let you know he has a "better way to get results." An interesting fact about this guy is that if you listen to him closely you will soon learn that he actually has no clue what he is talking about. "If you hold those weights at a 45 degree angle you'll really engage the Latissimus Dorsi." I'm sure that would would definitely work if i weren't doing sit-ups! His workout goals consist of "helping you with that" and "to be your pseudo personal trainer."
The Stalker
Although most guys have admitted to staring at pretty women in the gym, as soon as eye contact is reciprocated they usually smile and go on about their workout. However, The Stalker will continue to stare for an excessive 30-50 seconds. You never actually see this guy work out, and instead he just tries to surround himself with as much spandex-wearing girls as possible. You can most likely spot this guy behind the row of sorority girls using the stair master. He will most likely ask you if you need a spot with that and or want a back massage. My advice to you is to avoid this guy at all costs. His workout goals consists of getting your number and letting you know he knows a better way to break a sweat. (wink)
The Instagram King
This is a guy in fantastic shape thanks to his trusty lo-fi filter and "getting the brightness just right." Although this guy is in pretty good shape, he also tends not to be at the gym for its intended purpose. It tends to be a little bit more difficult to find because he is only in the gym to get a "quick pump" take his full body mirror selfie and leave. But not before asking you and everyone else what caption he should use. Although you give him a couple of witty answers, he eventually posts his motivational fitness quote of the day followed by an elaborate list of irrelevant hashtags consisting of #gainz ,#doyouevenlift, #fitfam, #swole. His workout goals consist of getting over 200 likes and 15 comments.
