Loneliness is not just a psychological condition, it is a public health crisis. Loneliness causes depression, suppresses our immune systems, significantly increases our risk for heart disease, and increases our chances of a premature death by 14%. With those statistics, a person suffering from chronic loneliness is in the same boat as someone who smokes fifteen cigarettes a day. It is estimated that one out every five person suffers from the unrelenting pangs of this quiet disease. Yes, it is a disease, one that is running rampant in the social media drenched culture we live in. Why is this? Loneliness is how our bodies respond when we are feeling disconnected. However, we have more ways to connect with people today than we’ve ever had. We can text, call, email, or video chat with someone living on the other side of the world, but connection is about more than just speaking to someone. To quote Baya Voce “In order to feel connected, we need to feel seen, heard, and valued.” Here are 5 ways to do just that.
1. Change Your Perspective
Did you know that being lonely actually makes you lonely? It makes sense when you think about it. When we’re feeling down, our emotions are raw. We’re more sensitive and susceptible to rejection and hostility. We perceive things as worst case scenarios, even when the situation is completely harmless.
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This is a difficult place to be, and it takes practice getting out of it. Start by identifying your feelings. When you go into worry mode over a social interaction, and your brain starts pointing out all the things you probably did wrong, let it. Then recognize that this is the filter that YOU are viewing things from. Practice considering the situation differently. Am I sure no one liked me? Maybe there’s another reason why Sasha was so quiet. She did laugh at my joke. Maybe I didn’t make such a bad impression. I’m sure everyone liked me. Negativity blocks our ability to connect. We can’t be seen, heard, or valued if we’re constantly on the defensive with our walls up. Learning to view things in a positive light is the first step towards forming meaningful, lasting connections.2. Create Rituals Focused On Connection
Start with the people who are already in your life. Do you have a family dinner every Sunday? Do you have a girls’ (or guys’) night out each week? Focus on those activities and ditch the cell phone. Be a part of the conversation and really connect. Make this a priority.
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Strengthening the bonds that you already have is the best way to open yourself up to new ones. The best way to do this is through weekly rituals that focus on those bonds. You can’t build a house without a foundation, and you can’t create new connections without fully embracing the one’s already available to you.
3. Find A Group For Your Hobby
Everyone has that one activity that makes them happy. Maybe you enjoy curling up with a book every night. Maybe you’re an avid bird watcher, or wood carver. Maybe jumping out of airplanes and bungee diving is your thing. It doesn’t really matter what it is you enjoy doing, I can guarantee there is a group somewhere that has people who are just as passionate about it as you are.
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The trick is to make sure you join a group that actually connects. Joining an online group is great, but you can easily get lost in the thousands of people trying to chat about the same thing. Meetup is a great place to start. You can connect with people in your area face to face. If you do join a group online, see if they ever break up into smaller groups. Do they have meetings, or hangouts with 10 people or less? Can you video chat? Again, make sure this is a place where you can be seen, heard, and valued.
4. Believe In Yourself
Sometimes the reason why we’re lonely is because we don’t put ourselves out there. We’re too afraid of getting hurt, so we don’t even try. Oftentimes, this is due to the fact that we’ve been hurt before. That hurt has tainted our view of ourselves. We lack the confidence to make new connections because we don’t have faith in our ability to get through another heartbreak.
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In order to have meaningful, positive relationships with others, you have to believe in yourself. All of us have been hurt by others, and it sucks. What sucks more is when an amazing, interesting, unique individual doesn’t share themselves with others because someone else brought them down. You’re awesome and much stronger than you think. Embrace that.
5. Help Others
The best way to overcome your own loneliness is by helping someone else out of theirs. You can do this so many different ways. Volunteer at a crisis center. Create your own discussion group on facebook. Start a blog and write about your experiences. Don’t feel like you lack the social intelligence to do any of this. Create your own meetup group for socially awkward people.
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Giving our time, attention, and compassion to others opens us to receiving the same. When we see, hear, and value someone else, we’re connecting to that person. This, in turn, feeds our own needs. Not only are we helping someone else, we’re helping ourselves at the same time.
These five cures for loneliness are just the beginning. Once you experience true connection with others, your self-esteem, social skills, and faith in the world around you will increase, and you will be able to create fulfilling relationships and live an abundant, and happy life.
