It is no secret that women get the short end of the stick when it comes to hair. Here's a few complaints every woman has about how easy men have it.
1. It grows so quickly.
Boys have to get haircuts every few weeks. It is June, and my last haircut was in September. It just doesn’t grow. I have come to realize that salons don’t charge boys as much as they charge girls, not because they have less hair than us, but because they will be back in just a few weeks.
2. But with great power comes horrible hairstyles.
As many of you know, “the Flow” and “the Man Bun” are very popular hairstyles right now. I will address the two individually because I feel like there’s a lot to be said about each.
The Flow has been around for longer than we may realize. Chris Hemsworth, a younger Johnny Depp, and Ashton Kutcher are just a few men that pulled off the Flow (and pulled it off really well, might I add). But just because you can grow it doesn’t mean you should. Who told you the Flow looks as good on you as it did on Brad Pitt in "Legends of the Fall?" About 85 percent of men who are trying out this cut (or lack thereof) should instead set their alarm for early A.M. to ensure their spot in the barber’s chair.
What they should look like...
What they actually look like...
I’ll venture to say that almost no guy can pull off the Man Bun. It wasn’t cute when librarians and English teachers did it, and it is even less cute when men do it. It isn’t that the women are jealous, we are just looking out for you . . . and we don’t think it’s attractive.What they think they look like...
What they actually look like...
3. They’re using up our products.
When guys say they use “product”, they are lying. They use products, as in plural. When I go to Wal-Mart to buy Garnier Fructis Surf Hair Paste and there is none on the shelf, I KNOW where that stuff went. Big Sexy Hair hairspray was made for me, not you. Are they also grabbing the dry shampoo, because the cap they wear backwards got their hair too oily?
4. Why does Mets’ pitcher, Jacob deGrom, have better-looking hair in the 8th inning than my hair on a good day?
I watched the Braves vs. Mets game tonight. More alarming than the Braves losing in the 11th inning was how beautiful Jacob deGrom’s hair looked the entire eight innings that he pitched. I can spend two hours in the bathroom perfecting my hair, and it never looks that good. Effortless is a look all women go for, and only the elite achieve. Who knew this goal could be reached by merely pitching an MLB game?
5. Last and most concerning... If they are stealing our hairstyles, are they going to start stealing other things too?
If men start to compete with women in the hair department, that opens them up to competing with us in other areas. I mean, just this week I was able to order Exposed matte lipstick from Kylie Jenner; it had been sold out until now. Did the men beat me to it? Have they started ordering that too? Will they begin straightening their hair and using a curling iron? What about putting their monogram on the back of their Altimas and on their YETI coolers? Are they going to ask to borrow my MuMu romper? I won’t stand for this.
I’ve come to one conclusion. As women, instead of trying to tame the mane, we have to try to tame the man.
