June is finally here, which means outdoor pools are opening for the season. I have been a lifeguard for 5 years now, and I know that no one will understand the thoughts and struggles we lifeguards go through every single day.
1. Yelling “Walk!” every 2 minutes.
Sometimes there's a "please" in there, too.
2. Getting yelled at by parents for telling their children that they are breaking the rules.
Um, sorry that I’m doing my job?
3. When a kid walks away while you’re talking to them.
4. Explaining to an angry parent that their child is not tall enough to go down the slide and trying not to scream when they blame it on you.
5. When it’s raining cats and dogs with no lighting.
This is the most miserable I have ever been. Oh yea swimmers, don’t worry about me, just keep swimming while I sit here drenched and freezing.
6. When there is lighting.
Hallelujah.
7. When it is so hot that your sweat has sweat.
“Is that possible?” you ask. Yes, yes it is.
8. Having those iconic lifeguard tan lines.
9. When people are jealous of how tan you are until they see you in a bikini… Then they just laugh.
10. When the dermatologist gets angry because “you shouldn’t be exposing your skin to that much sun.”
“Make sure to reapply every half hour and wear long sleeves and pants and a hat and sunglasses, okay?”
11. Forgetting to reapply sunscreen.
Whoops. #waitingforskincancer
12. Cleaning the locker rooms.
Gross.
13. Cleaning up “fecal incidents.”
Gross x10
14. When you save a kid and later hear the parents talking to that same kid, saying, “You were probably just nervous. Go try again, I bet you can do it this time.”
15. When kids meet your glaring eyes after they did something wrong and looked to see if you noticed.
“Yes. Yes, I did see you running.”
16. When your reds don’t match.
17. When you’re twirling your whistle, and it flies into the pool.
18. When people dunk the basketball.
How many times do I have to say it? Don’t. Dunk. The basketball.
19. Explaining rules to parents.
“No, you can’t go down the slide with your child. Um no, you can’t catch them at the bottom instead. NO, you cannot catch them off the diving board either.”
20. Having to whistle at adults because they are breaking rules.
This is the most uncomfortable thing I have ever done in my life.
21. Telling a little old lady that even though she isn’t going to swim, she still has to pay for entrance.
I’m so sorry.
22. But then letting that rule slide and allowing them in for free, only to find 20 minutes later that the little old lady is swimming in the pool.
K.
23. Guarding at the deep end and being told that you’re the judge for the kids’ splash contest.
“Whose splash was bigger?” “I don’t really know, because I don’t really care.”
24. Accidentally yelling “WALK” at kids when you aren’t even at the pool.
25. Dealing with PDA.
26. When kids make their bodies go limp in the water for fun.
Not cool.
27. Rejoicing when it’s supposed to storm.
28. When out-of-towners pay a visit to your pool.
Basically it means you have to explain every single rule a million times.
29. Going to your very first day of lifeguarding and being absolutely terrified.
30. When swimmers can’t hear you, so you play an insane game of charades.
31. Trying to explain rules to a 2-year-old.
32. Explaining to parents why we don’t allow lifejackets during regular hours.
“But it helps her swim?” “Well, we just don’t like to have parents relying on lifejackets.” “That’s ridiculous!” *smiles nervously and slowly backs away
33. Experiencing heat exhaustion.
34. Not wearing makeup for the majority of summer.
35. When an adult is running.
“Excuse me sir... Sir, you can't... Hello... Why are you running, you're like 80 years old??????”
36. When other lifeguards aren’t blowing the whistle at very obvious rule breakage.
37. When parents think rules are dumb.
I’m sorry?
38. Smelling like sweat, sunscreen, and chlorine all the time.
39. Learning all the top radio hits of the summer, because you’re listening to the radio all day every day.
40. Learning the regular kids’ names.
41. When you are able to use the kids’ names when talking to them and they say, “How do you know my name?”
“Um, because you’re here every single day.”
42. Not knowing a kid’s name and having to yell, “Hey, you!”
43. Bonding with other lifeguards during breaks and office time.
44. But fighting with them over the last pieces of pizza.
45. When all the daycares come at once.
