Super Bowl LI was one of the greatest of all time. What looked to be a blow out turned into a game. Julio Jones had amazing catches. Julian Edelman had a catch that rivals the 2007 helmet catch. The game-tying drive led by Tom Brady. It was a great game for any that tuned in.
But as a Patriots fan, I also thought I was going to get white-girl wasted, throw up and have a heart attack within a four-hour window. I don’t know what the average person was thinking while watching that game, but I can tell you how it went from a Patriots fan point of view.
1. “There we go again, not scoring in the first quarter of the Super Bowl. Bill isn’t ever gonna let Tommy live it down.”
But neither did the Falcons, so we’re good.
2. “Don’t fumble the ball! We were making moves. Get it back to Tommy; he’s our playmaker.”
This is why we don’t run the ball.
3. “It’s only one touchdown. We can come back from this.”
But man, Julio Jones is a beast.
4. “How did they already score another touchdown?”
Where is the number one defense? And how can we stop Julio? That man just isn’t human.
5. “Are they playing Usher? Even the music is bias!”
Roger’s rigging this game. Could it be any more obvious?
6. “Tommy, no!”
You’ve never thrown an interception in the Super Bowl, Tommy. What are you doing to me?
7. “Oh, just get in the end zone already!”
Don’t taunt us. We get it, you ran it back and there was no one close to you. Just get in the end zone.
8. “Halftime. Tom better be giving it to his O-Line right now.”
And Bill better be giving it to him, because he played like trash in the first half.
9. “28-3. Where’s my other case of beer?”
Also, pull out the vodka. Shots for every pass Julio catches!
10. “We DO know where the end zone is!”
We may not win this game, but James White needs a game ball for that touchdown.
Gostkowski would miss that extra point. Just when things start looking up, something else brings us down.
12. “At least it’s almost over.”
Fourth quarter started and this game can’t be over soon enough. I bet that new 24 show will be pretty good, though.
13. “Oh, he CAN make it through the uprights.”
Still not good enough. We need touchdowns. And more beer.
14. “Tom Brady.”
There’s a touchdown. But we’re still down by 10.
15. “Two Points!”
Bill isn’t messing around. Where was this in the first half? And the third quarter? Doesn’t matter, defense has to make this stop
16. “Julio Jones is not a human.”
When is Bill going to sign him, though? Tom needs a good reliable target.
17. “There’s the defense!”
What a stop. What a game. Eight points Tommy. You can do this.
18. “IT’S A CATCH!”
It’s not a catch. It’s a catch! It’s not a catch. It didn’t touch the ground. Oh. My. Goodness. It’s a catch!
19. “Run the dang ball!”
Let’s not make the same mistake the Seahawks did against us. Run it. Touchdown James White!
20. “Tie Game!”
Oh no, there's a flag. Yeah! Offsides Falcons! But there are 50 seconds left and they have Matty Ice
21. “Overtime. We may just do this.”
Wait, what are the overtime rules again?
22. “Tommy is on the field first. Just get a touchdown boys.”
We won the toss. All we need is a touchdown and it’s over.
23. “Did he break the plane?”
Is his knee down? Did we win? ESPN says it’s over! We just won Super Bowl LI!