Waiting in the line for Providence College’s on-campus Dunkin Donuts is a struggle felt by students campus-wide. As tedious as the experience can be, it lends to some great people watching. Next time you’re bored, try playing “I Spy” with these stereotypical frequenters of Dunks.
1. The dude who just rolled out of bed for class
Sadly, I don’t think that that jumbo dark roast with the turbo shot will help the bed head.
2. The guy who’s watching himself on the DD webcam on his phone
Is it narcissism? Is it boredom? Whatever it is, it’s weird.
3. Last-minute studier
She refuses to put that bio notebook down for anything. Every second counts, I guess.
4. Nervous freshman about to miss class
For some reason, the poor rookie didn’t think that anyone else would want a latte before their 9:30. Enjoy watching as he anxiously peers around the line every ten seconds.
5. The guy who gets at the end of the mile-long line, then decides it’s not worth it after five minutes
When the line passes the entrance to the school store, you’re really making a commitment. Maybe the fake Starbucks in Ruane has a shorter line?
6. The athlete
A large iced coffee and a bacon, egg, and cheese is the only thing that could salvage this day for these early morning warriors.
7. The administrator/coach
Bored, impatient grown ups that resent having to wait in line with all these kids.
8. The hungover one
This bagel and coffee is his only chance of making it through 8:30 Civ seminar without puking, falling asleep, or both.
9. Girl who talks on phone the whole time
In 10 minutes standing in line, you’ll learn way more than you wanted to about her friend’s love life than you should.
10. Friend who sneakily cut in front of other friend
They engage in friendly conversation with a friend. As time goes on, the newcomer drifts closer and closer until it seems like she is simply absorbed into the line.
11. The indecisive orderer
So you’re telling me that during the 20 minutes you waited in line you didn’t think once of what you wanted to order?!
12. The one who pays with multiple gift cards
“That one had $0.30…that one had $1.02…this one has $0.07…you still owe $4.22.”
13. The kid with the overly-complex order
Them: “I’ll have a medium iced latte with two pumps of caramel, three skim milks, and one Splenda. And if you can, could you crush the ice cubes up extra fine? Oh, and I’d like a hot cup too. Any food? Yeah, I’ll have a multigrain bagel toasted with strawberry cream cheese on the side. Hash browns are only $0.99 more? Sure!”
Me: “I’ll have a large black coffee.”
14. The kid whose DD app won’t work
Just give up. The barcode didn’t scan the first seven times. The eighth isn’t looking any better.
15. The regular
This little corner of the Slavin Center is their turf; they just let you hang out here. They want is to get their fix quick and get out. You’re just in their way.
16. People who have obnoxious shouting conversations to friends in other parts of the line
Their real plan is to wear down everyone else on line until they give in and let one of them cut ahead to be with their friend. Obnoxious, yet effective.
17. The first-timer being guided through the process by a friend
It’s Dunkin Donuts, not Chipotle. It’s not that challenging.
18. Reclusive music listener
No way in hell is he socializing today.
19. The girl attempting to attract the attention of one of the Dunkin employees to get a hot cup
A necessary accessories for anyone who can’t handle holding a cold object for an extended period of time. Good luck catching the eye of one of the feverishly busy workers behind the counter.
20. The guy who doesn’t hear his number being called
As a customer of Dunkin Donuts, you have one and only one job: to listen for your order number and take your food/drink. Fail to do this, and you bring the well-oiled machine that is the Slavin Dunkin Donuts to a screeching halt.
21. The angry customer whose order was messed up
Calm down. The world will continue turning, even if you got one extra sugar in your iced coffee.
22. The person that takes your coffee by mistake
You wait 25 minutes for your precious caffeine only to have it snatched away right in front of you.
23. The person who won't stop talking to the cashier.
I'm all for being friendly, but only a sociopath would start an extended conversation with the one cashier when there are 40 people waiting to order a latte.
