It's that time in your life time.
The period when you lose some of your closest friends.
The phase when you feel so lost and everything around you seems so foreign to the point that even yourself feels so aloof.
Questioning all your decisions, and feeling like the right choice to make is indeed the hard one, you just wish that things clicked together from the start; you shouldn’t be dealing with this.
It's hard because there is no narrator to give you a hint in the background that this is your period of growth. No one is actually there to repeatedly tell you that things will be fine and you should just push a bit harder. There is no melody switching from sadness to hopefulness when things get tough. No one is there to reassure you that everything will end in the most splendid way.
But it will. Everything will be alright, and I can't help it but smile because I know that these are character building moments.
We have the power to bend and stretch and even change our substances. It's hard because you have to make so many choices and you might even have to let go of values that mean the dearest to yourself, and what is harder than that? Our values are what make us, so at least for me, the idea of having to compensate them means I have to compensate who I am and there isn't a more painful feeling than not knowing who I am.
But it's in our power, and nothing is more calming than knowing that your path is in your own hands, knowing that it's alright to stray from your path. It's fine to lose yourself. It's okay to feel utterly uncomfortable and unsure. I might even dare to say that it's beautiful and a blessing to feel so unsure because it opens the opportunity for so many possibilities and so many new directions, and that, in its essence, is the point of life, no? Living and exploring?
Last year, I learned to work hard. This year, I learned to Live hard, and I find no greater blessing than the one of exploring this new road. Next year, I hope to find a balance between the two, and maybe even be blessed enough to stumble upon a new road.
Just hang in there. Keep going, keep living in the moment, and never forget to count your blessings. There has to be light in the end of the tunnel.
I mean Walt Disney could not possibly have made all this money if he was lying?
- Reminder to myself.