This November, millions of Americans will cast their votes for the next president of the United States. At this point, there are six major candidates left, and each one is vastly different from the next. It is important to be well-informed when voting, and for many Americans, this can be a problem. There are breakdowns for each candidate all over the internet, but having a comprehensive list could prove to be very helpful. As someone who is very passionate about politics, I hope that this list can help to give you more information on the candidates so that you can know exactly who you're voting for.
1. Marco Rubio
Marco Rubio is one of the less popular remaining Republican candidates, trailing consistently behind Cruz and Trump in the polls. A child of two Cuban immigrants, Rubio is logically anti-immigration, stating that he would see 20,000 new border agents before 20,000 new IRS agents. Specializing in looking like an extremely uncomfortable meerkat, Rubio is one of the more moderate candidates on the Republican side. If elected, Rubio would not only be the first Hispanic president, but also the first third degree burn victim. After being savagely roasted by Donald Trump and Chris Christie, Rubio was admitted to the burn ward and has since been on the road to recovery. Hopefully his recovery goes better than his presidential campaign.
2. John Kasich
John Kasich is far and away the most moderate of the Republicans, however in a race full of bombastic personalities, the more quiet and reserved Kasich has fallen behind and been eclipsed in the shadow of Ted Cruz's jowls. As it stands, Kasich is riding on the occasional state that he does well in, like Michigan and Ohio. However, these are few and far between. Kasich's four year plan includes not falling asleep during the State of the Union address and continuing to look as though he's screaming internally. In many ways, Kasich is the Diet Dr. Pepper of the Republican candidates.He's an option that is still on the soda machine for some reason, and that very few people would choose over a drink that is much more flashy and is much worse for them.
3. Ted Cruz
Ted Cruz has been incredibly popular in the race, mostly for his textbook right-wing views and religious background. Known mostly for his mildly creepy campaign videos and his ability to constantly look like he just got over a mean case of hemorrhoids, Cruz has been a frontrunner since the beginning of the race. Cruz, interestingly enough, is actually a bullfrog that stumbled upon a three-piece suit in his home swamp in Calgary, Canada. His being born in a different country has not disqualified him from running, mostly because the people who would normally demand a birth certificate from a person of color fall among his supporters.
4. Donald Trump
Trump, in many ways, is a bully that stumbled right out of middle school and onto the presidential stage. He's loud, rude and though he doesn't necessarily need a reason to dislike you, he'll make sure you know it if he does. Though on this scale, stealing lunch money becomes deportation and his group of less-confident hype men become ill-informed xenophobes on social media. In almost every anti-bullying campaign, it is said that the people who sit by and let the bully slam the tiny kid's face into a locker are just as responsible as the bully himself. So, if you honestly disagree with this giant stack of hair gel and rage, do something about it.
5. Bernie Sanders
Bernie is the standout character from this race, mostly because of his radically new policies and openly democratic-socialist agenda. This scares many people, as socialism is a foreign concept to the American political scene. Whether this is scarier than the registration and subsequent deportation of an entire religion remains to be seen, but Bernie's policies are very different nonetheless. Bernie is very reminiscent of that uncle that has a too-good-to-be-true investment opportunity that he brings to every family holiday. His four year plan consists of healthcare and education plans that have yet to be clearly explained, tax rates that would be record highs for America, and a whole lot of talking with his hands. In addition to this, his goals include racial equality and the development of a time-traveling DeLorean so that he and his cabinet can attend the world-premiere of "Jaws 19."
6. Hillary Clinton
Hillary is one of the candidates who has received the most criticism in the race. Between her wildly inconsistent policies, lack of sincerity and crazy eyes that could kill an elephant, she has been scrambling to stay ahead as more and more people flock to the Bernie camp. Her presence on social media has perhaps been her biggest failure, as her attempts to be relatable have been the political equivalent of a middle-aged parent reading their child un-funny Facebook memes. She has also fueled enough secret-email-related rage to give content to the next six seasons of "Cheaters." Her big draw is that she would be the first female president, however this is a common misconception, as she is merely presenting herself as a woman. In reality, she is actually a T-1000 Terminator sent back to make Democrats question their values.
The primaries are coming up very quickly, and regardless of your political affiliation, it is vital that you stay informed before you cast your vote.
