Election Day is finally here!
Usually on Election Day, we sit by our TVs and absorb the extensive poll coverage, anxiously awaiting the announcement about who will run our country for the next four years. Tensions are always high, yet through each past election cycle we've been able to rest easily knowing that either candidate would at least be fit to run our country as our next president.
This year, however, is a little bit different. This year feels a little more like Christmas. Anticipation and anxiety are high, and everyone's been talking about what the next day could bring! Unlike most Christmases, however, the anxiety this year stems not from childlike wonder and giddy excitement, but from wondering if Santa's going to come down the chimney and leave you disappointing presents, or if he's going to nuke your entire family after he sexually assaults your mom.
If you're anything like me, your coping mechanisms are less than ideal. For me, that meant that this year, during Election Day, I've opted out of spending time with my family and opted into spending time with copious amounts of alcohol. To try to make light of what could be the end of days, I've created a fun, flirty drinking game for you and your friends and your racist relatives to enjoy together!
Pregame:
Before we begin this journey together, here are a few drinks to get you warmed up.
Take one drink for every Facebook friend you've deleted or Twitter account you've unfollowed because of this election.
Take one drink for every friend/relative who's disappointed you in the context of this election.
Take another one or six because tonight's gonna be a f*cking ride.
Take one drink when you hear any of the following words:
Emails
Taxes
Unfit
FBI
Bigly
Putin
Battleground state
Rigged
Hackers
ISIS
Gun control
Also take one drink during:
Any mention/footage of a celebrity endorsement.
Any mention/footage of Trump insulting minorities.
Any mention of sexual assault. For any mention of sexual assault regarding Bill Clinton, who isn't actually running for president, take a shot.
Check the clock every hour. If Trump is in the lead, take a shot.
If one of your friends/relatives says something racist, sexist, or homophobic and then tries to play it off like it wasn't, finish your drink.
If Trump wins, finish your drink, and your neighbor's drink, and whatever's left in the bottle. Then, put on your best spacesuit, strap yourself to a rocket, and blast yourself into the sun before we leave the future in the hands of a man who can't even be trusted to handle his own Twitter account.
Happy drinking!
**As a disclaimer, please adjust this game as you see fit in order to guarantee your own safety and wellness. Furthermore, please let me know if you find a rocket to the sun that I can strap myself to, too.**
