During my freshman year of college, my roommate and I used to cozy up in our matching orange fox sockies and listen to the rowdy drunken howls of our floormates outside our dorm room.
“It’s 9:30 p.m. Why aren’t they asleep, Brooke?” I’d say to my partner in crime and my best board game buddy.
Between the butterscotch candy wrappers decorating our floor, the knitting needles scattered on our desks and the stray cats that lived under our beds, our peers would sometimes refer to us as grandmas. Ludicrous, right?
I never understood it. We we were hip. We were vibrant; we had tight, wrinkle-free skin. We were divas.
Anyway, here are 17 signs that you might just be a 20-something-year-old grandmother like me.
1. You love saving money.
Coupons, thrift stores, dollar stores, free food, anything that keeps your change purse so heavy you can barely lift it with your frail arms.
2. You can’t see.
Granted, I can't see because I refuse to wear my optical lenses, but still.
3. You love over-sized sweaters.
There’s nothing like drowning in your own clothing.
4. Your favorite game is BINGO.
Over the crinkling of your hard candy wrappers, you struggle to hear the Bingo caller call O 71.
5. You can barely drive.
Who needs to listen to talk radio in the car when you can listen to the rhythmic drone of all the cars honking at you?
6. You doze off easily.
It may be 2 p.m., but you’re out cold, dreaming of your bones not aching anymore.
7. A wild Saturday night is going to IHOP.
"Hi, yes, I’ll have a short stack of the gluten-free, sugar-free, lactose free, blueberry pancakes."
8. You don’t understand technology.
Apple Store, huh? Is there a Banana Store too?
9. If you go to the movies, you already know you’re seeing the matinee performance and bringing in your own snacks.
Why eat popcorn with the movie theater butter when you can have fruit snacks that lower your cholesterol?
10. You don’t understand why your friends are wearing booty shorts and crop tops in -7 degree weather.
I’ll just stay in tonight and knit a sweater.
11. You only like the store Forever 21 because you wish you were actually forever 21.
Look at all those large granny sweaters on clearance!
12. You love Tupperware.
Gotta keep those oatmeal raisin cookies fresh!
13. Who needs a Michael Kors bag when you can have the finest reusable shopping bag from Target?
"This bag is big enough for all my prescriptions, knitting needles and my tissue box! And it’s only 99 cents!" *counts out 99 pennies*
14. You don’t understand most 20-year-old problems.
"Why is Stacey dating Joe and Timothy at the same time?"
"Michael said he got caught with pot. Why are people getting in trouble for gardening tools?"
15. You misplace a lot of items.
"Have you seen the TV clicker? My dentures? My reader’s digest? My ointment?"
16. Your type of exercise is a stroll to Dunkin' Donuts.
Chocolate munchkins. Enough said.
17. You complain about everything.
"Brooke, I went to buy some aspirin today and this girl was wearing the same turtleneck as me! How dare she?"
