Because I've been here wayyyy too long to deal with this nonsense...
1. Busy work:
Smiles, throws into trash can—aint nobody got time for that 5 pt. ish prof.
2. General Education classes:
If you have any of these left as a senior, bless your soul, I get fed up with them just listening to the freshmen complain about them.
3. RA meetings:
Do you want me to fail out or do you want me at your meeting? Been there done that for going on 4 years now—please slide the list under the door and let me study, thanks.
4. Dressing up for house parties:
Hey, I wore my nice sweats out today, you should be honored.
5. House parties in general:
Dubstep music and 100 half naked freshmen all grinding in the QB’s living room? Hard pass sir, I’ll take my 21-year-old butt to The Buff or Brew Co. —thanks.
6. The freshmen puking:
Gone are the days where I rush over to the freshmen girl I don’t know and hold her hair—for the thousandth time this year. If she didn’t learn last time that doing consecutive shots of Fireball was a bad idea, then she deserves to get puke in her hair.
7. Fast Food or Ramen:
If I’m not half a bottle in—keep that ish away from me. If I am, I’ll take 2 cheeseburgers and a McChicken—extra mayo, oh and a big ole D-Pepp—thanks fam.
8. The Caf Food:
No matter how good your school’s food may or may not be—4 years of it can get a bit old.
9. The success of the Football/Basketball team:
Undefeated season or no wins, you can bet your biscuit I will be there screaming my head off (even if I have no clue what’s going on a the football games) and probably (definitely) tailgating—heavily.
10. Books:
Unless it’s for my senior sem class, there’s a 157% chance that no, I didn’t buy the book.
11. Who did who at whatever horrid house party this past weekend:
If this is what you approach me wanting to talk about during my peaceful lunch—please just march yourself right up to the desert line and pie yourself in the face, because that’s what I will be doing to you if that’s what you want to talk to me about. I literally could not care less.
12. Showing up to class hung-over:
I’ll just bring the prof a cup of coffee and she’ll let me sit in the back so I’m near the door and eat my McGridle—she needs it anyways after the bottle of cabernet I know she finished off last night while listening to her husband drone on and on about the high school football team he coaches.
13. Natty Light or Kamchatka:
I don’t care how cheap or how free it is—the answer is always NO. My liver is too old for that ish!
14. The freshmen’s long distance bf/gf:
I give it two weeks—tops.
15. The residence halls:
Bahahaha no AC? Too small showers? Sucky toilet paper? NOT MY PROBLEMMMM.
16. Graduating (not really):
Because when it comes down to it—wow I’m not ready to leave this place.
