We all know the type— you rode for years and years and now you’re on a break. Or maybe you still ride regularly to this day, and notice these sneaking out in your day to day life. One thing is for sure, no matter what you do, if you’re a horseback rider, or have ever been enchanted by the sport, there are some traits that you may just take to the grave.
1. You cluck.
Everything from that frustrating fat pony you rode when you were seven to the grumpy old man holding up traffic will get clicked at. The universal sound for “go” is embedded in your brain, and those noises almost come out without you realizing you’re making them!
2. You hold objects like reins.
For some reason, everything feels more secure between your middle three fingers. Are you stronger? No… More likely to drop it? Maybe… But does it feel wrong to hold your steering wheel, your mug, or your dog’s leash any other way? Hell yeah.
3. Walking dogs is…interesting.
Speaking of walking dogs, not only do you hold your leash like a rein, there’s a high probability that your dog responds to clicks, whoas, and has manners almost as good as your show horse did.
4. You have good posture. All. Of. The. Time.
You paid hard-earned money from a young age for an angry adult to tell you to sit up straight, and now you just can’t stop! Whether you’re in class, walking around, or driving, everyone talks about how your posture is so upright, and how confident you look.
5. The smaller the animal, the more suspicious of it you are.
First, remember that 17.2 hand gentle giant at the barn you loved. Now remember that 9.1 hand lesson pony that everyone referred to as an expletive or just by “Satan”. Enough said. Small dogs, guinea pigs, birds, anything small is slightly suspicious at this point.
6. You will face down anything large and fast.
Equestrians know that they’re tough, and they make sure their horses know that they’re tough as well. Many a times, past equestrians find themselves looking at threatening people, speeds, or objects and rolling their eyes. If you can stand down a 14.1 hand pony thug with just a rope and your own quick wit, you can handle anything.
7. Heels down!
You find yourself finding new and interesting ways to stretch your achilles down. Pushing their your against edges, standing on stairs, even going so far as to grab the balls of your feet and pushing your heels down into it… It just feels good!
8. Eyes up.
Equestrians always look exactly where they’re going, and never at their feet. This terrifies people, because nothing says “confident woman” like a solid stare paired with that upright posture. Odds are, you’ve gotten used to making awkward eye contact with strangers.
9. You can fix hat hair at any time, in any place.
Helmet hair used to be the bane of your existence, so you figured it out. Now, rather than deal with the flats and the fly aways, you’ve figured out a system that makes your hair look quaffed, not crushed, after every time you wear a hat.
10. Horse movies just aren’t the same.
Can you tell which actors are real riders and which aren’t? Because if you can, you may be an equestrian. If you look at an actor’s equitation and wince, then you’re in the same boat as us. However, you’ll always pick it and you’ll sit through any awful plot just to hear about horses.
11. Fake equestrian fashion drives you crazy.
Really? Fake tall boots? Fake Jods? Whenever you see someone who could possibly be an equestrian in public, you get too excited, but if, upon closer inspection, you realize that this person is just a copycat, you’ll roll your eyes and mutter under your breath.
12. You don’t bother paying to have your nails done, unless it’s gel.
A day at the barn will destroy your nails faster than acetone nail polish remover. Broken acrylic? Been there. Chipped paint? Done that. Either you maintain your nails yourself, have the money to make that serious investment, or you love the godsend that is gel polish.
13. You’re always be suspicious of cowboys.
Of course everyone wants their own John Wayne to ride off into the sunset with, but past equestrians know that you have to side-eye most cowboys. Yeah, they ride, but they’re also dirty, smelly, angry, crude, and very likely to, not only track mud into, but eat all of the food in your house. Some of them fit the gentleman cowboy stereotype, but really, you know a lot of them are bigger divas than the mare in your show barn.
14. Men who ride are a rare and much appreciated gift to you.
Sometimes it seems like your sport is one hundred percent women, one hundred percent of the time. But then, you come to the show grounds. And you see him. There, by his stable’s trailer, is a boy. In any real situation, he would be a solid six, but because he is standing next to that 17.2 hand bay hunter? He’s a nine any day of the week. If you weren’t so concerned about how gorgeous his horse looked while thinking about trying to beat him, you may have been jealous of the thirty other girls who seem to have the same idea as you.
15. Plastic bags blowing in the wind send shivers down your spine.
Even if you’re not on a horse, even if you’re just on foot, even if you’re sitting in your car…Whenever a plastic bag floats past you, you are ready for disaster.
