1. I shop at Vineyard Vines and J.Crew.

2. I didn’t go to NYU.

3. I have no idea where I put my neon American Apparel
sweatshirts.

4. I never finished learning how to play the guitar.

5. I rarely update my iPod.

5. I took an internship at a dog treat bakery last summer because I thought it would look good on my resume.

6. I wear makeup.

7. I pick seats on the lawn over the ones in the pit.

8. I recently sold most of my band t-shirts on Ebay.

9. I opt for parties over going to see the bands that play at my school.

10. I own Sperries.

11. I have completely accepted the idea that I will lead a normal life with a normal desk job.

12. I changed myself to get people to like me.

A lot of these things are for the better. I love Notre Dame and I’ve finally figured out how to apply eyeliner in such a way that I am not channeling my inner raccoon. Sperries are actually very comfy and I’m sure I would have liked them if I wasn’t too busy droning on about how I needed new Converse high-tops.

To provide a useful visual, here is 13-year-old me in one of my many lost American Apparel sweatshirts with two members of Cobra Starship, whose fan club I was a member of (yes… I know). This was me when I overused my hair straightener and had a Metro Station shirt with zip-off sleeves. All I ever wanted for Christmas was concert tickets and skinny jeans from Delia’s. Sure, some people thought I was weird, but I didn’t care. Those shows were some of the best memories of my childhood and I still wouldn’t trade them for the world.

So why am I sharing these remarkably embarrassing pictures and pieces of information, you ask? Well, back then I had big dreams of working for a record label and traveling the world promoting the music that I loved. Of course, I was a little kid and had no idea what this would entail, but I knew I wanted to do it! I was excited, I’d even venture to say passionate, about something. And isn’t that what people spend their whole lives looking for?

Times changed, though. People did make fun of me, and I didn’t like it. Turns out, boys (or at least the stupid, pre-pubescent boys I liked) didn’t like girls who wore men’s sweatshirts and rubber bracelets. I started to be too busy posting bad Instagram selfies and being the worst runner on my school’s cross-country team to go to concerts. By the time I was 17, my Brand New t-shirts were collecting dust in the back of my closet and I was buying up all the floral print dresses Forever 21 had to offer. Don’t get me wrong, change can be a great thing. My J.Crew chino shorts definitely fit me better than my skinny jeans. But, there’s no denying that I was never as happy after I made that change. I was a different person now, and I credited becoming a stunningly “normal” high school girl to growing up and getting real.

I still went to shows, but mostly just ones that my friends wanted to go to. I ended up standing on the lawn for country music concerts at the same venue where I once got so excited to see Blink-182 that I cried. Yeah, maybe I didn’t want to go back to crying about Mark Hoppus, but there had to be middle ground somewhere, right?

I graduated high school. I went to college. I stopped abusing my flat iron. I finally got one of those “boyfriend” things that I had wanted so badly. I was happy, but there was always a little something missing. My inner scene-ster was screaming at me to stop being such a noob. “20 Dollar Nose Bleed” still gave me chills every time, but only in the privacy of my dorm room when my roommate wasn’t around.

Then, a few weeks ago, Fall Out Boy came to the PNC Arts Center in Holmdel, New Jersey. Naturally, I went and stood on the lawn. I’m not going to act like this concert was my “come to Jesus” moment, but was certainly a “come to Wentz” moment. Those guys sounded exactly the same as they had almost seven years ago when a bullied, confused little girl in junior high with a giant space between her two front teeth saw them for the first time. The people I was with could tell you that she was back that night.

This isn’t an essay about how I’m going back to the way I was then. Unfortunately, Delia’s went bankrupt and I lost my Hot Topic punch card. I’m almost 21, I’ve changed, and I like who I am today. However, I’m done dictating to myself what’s normal and what’s not, what I can and can’t do. There have been times recently where I felt a lot of fear and sadness at the prospect of my future, thinking that I was doomed to life in a cubicle doing something fabulously average. Then, I remembered the things that I loved. I had written off my musical dreams as being silly and unrealistic. Now I can see that I am a successful marketing major at an awesome school, and there’s no reason I can’t do it. If I know that I’m making this next generation of teenage weirdos feel the same way that those old songs made me feel,then I will go to my office every day with a smile on my face.

In short, when deciding what you want to do with your life, take what you loved and make it happen again. Before you ask which way to go, remember where you’ve been. Next summer, I don’t want to work at an organic dog treat bakery, so I’m not going to. I’m going to find a record label to sell my soul to. I’m going to make 13-year-old Cat proud of the fact that she turned into 21-year-old Cat. Because, in the long run, that’s the best thing I can do.