As a general rule, I try not to place too much stock in birthdays. After a series of high birthday hopes leading to disappointment and a 16th birthday spent crying in the bathroom of an Indian restaurant, I now view my birthday as any other day.
As a child, I thought 22 was so "old," but now that I’ve reached this age milestone, it is clear what a childish perspective I had on what being "old" meant. Turning 22 didn’t feel that much different than turning 21 (except for the whole "now legally being able to drink because I’m 21" thing, and finally feeling like the lyrics to Taylor Swift’s "22" applied to me); however, when I think about turning 22 in comparison to turning 16 or 18 or any age that goes back at least two years, the difference becomes apparent.
It feels like I’ve learned a lot in my 22 years on this planet, but I’m not naïve to believe that there is so much more to be discovered. The average life expectancy is about 79 years, so, assuming I live that long, about a quarter of my life, has passed by. In that quarter I have cultivated a multitude of experiences and here are some of the most important lessons I have learned:
1. Never compromise your self-worth.
I spent a lot of time trying to be someone that I wasn’t. I drank too much because I was insecure and made some self-sabotaging decisions because I second-guessed my own integrity and morals. I didn’t think I was good enough, skinny enough or smart enough, so I put on a mask every day just to get through, only to look in the mirror and hate the person staring back. Once I accepted that a change needed to be made, I devoted a lot of time and energy to become a person of self-realized worth, and it was by no means easy, but I now feel at peace with myself.
2. Know the power of a good pop song.
Say what you will about pop music, but as a child of the '90s, there will always be a soft spot in my heart for the Backstreet Boys (especially their "Millennium" album). As a professional shower singer and playlist creator, there are a couple tracks I can always rely on to turn my mood around, fit my emotions and pump me up.
3. Mother knows best.
I am unashamed to say that my mom is my best friend. She is my go-to girl who has been a stable role model and never fails to pull me back down to Earth when I get a little out of control and my irrational thoughts overwhelm me. As an only child, all eyes have always been on me, even when I didn’t want the attention.
I often resented my mother for the way she sheltered me growing up, but looking back, I realize that she was doing the best she knew how and trying to protect me from the big bad world. I’m lucky to have parents who support me and love me unconditionally, and I take their words of wisdom seriously, because even though I may not always want to admit it — they do know best.
4. Push past your comfort zone.
There’s a timeless quote I've heard over and over that states, “Change happens outside your comfort zone.” This is something I know to be true despite also being absolutely terrifying. Pushing past my comfort zone led to some mistakes and some really proud moments. Through both the mistakes and the proud moments, I grew as a person. I pushed past my comfort zone when I decided to audition for my first high school show senior year, which led to moment of overwhelming pride when I was cast as the female lead.
I pushed past my comfort zone when I drank my first alcoholic drink, leading to a series of mistakes of which I am not proud. I pushed past my comfort zone when I challenged myself in a 5:30 a.m. boot camp that led to a series of proud moments and a healthy addiction to busting my ass at the gym. Had I remained stagnant and content, I would have missed out on a lot of learning experiences.
5. Go abroad...do it!
I had the privilege of living in Denmark for two and a half years when I was younger. I didn’t realize it then, but I was creating memories that would remain in my heart long after I moved back to the U.S. There is an unparalleled difference between visiting somewhere new and living somewhere new. Visiting a foreign country certainly has its appeal, but it is nothing compared to living like a local. In addition to living in Denmark, I had the greatest opportunity to study abroad in Bath, England, for five weeks in the summer of 2014.
Those five weeks are undoubtedly the best weeks of my life, filled with laughter and learning. Most importantly, though, I met and got to live in a house with seven of the most beautiful souls. I am forever grateful for those ladies because they allowed me to be myself, and in doing that I was able to learn to love myself again.
6. Physical and mental health should be priorities.
There is nothing like a good workout to clear the mind and refresh the body. There are so many motivational resources for leading a healthy lifestyle. Do the research and see what is out there and fold it into the life you are leading.
No matter how busy I am or how stressed, I know that "me time" is so important. I set aside time each day for the gym where I can let everything go and focus on the task at hand. If my mind is feeling cluttered, I call my mom or take a few moments to focus on my breath and regroup. All that being said, life is short, so run the extra mile and eat the chocolate!
7. Having patience is worth it.
As an avid user of Amazon Prime, their two-day shipping has saved me on various occasions, but it also plays into the feeling that we need everything now. Growing up in a society where instant gratification is king, patience was not an innate part of my personality but rather something I had to cultivate. I had to learn to be patient with myself and realize that not everything can come easily, and even natural talents need to be developed. I believe in the phrase, “Good things come to those who wait,” but I also know that waiting is not something passive. Waiting is active, full of desire, conviction and a fiery belief that this "good thing" is worthy. In addition to being patient with myself, I had to understand that other people are human and are deserving of my patience too.
As much as I would love to push past the "getting to know you" phase in a new relationship, I now know that worthwhile and healthy relationships take time to grow, and that requires patience. I also have accepted that no matter how much patience I may have for someone, ultimately they may never come around or change in a positive way, and that is when the “good thing” is no longer worth waiting for, and it is time to walk away.
8. Pursue passion.
This one is definitely a cliché, but it is a cliché because it is true — life is too short to be anything but happy, so do what you love! We live in an era overwhelmed by social media that enables a constant fear of missing out or settling, both of which can be debilitating at times. I spent too much time focusing on what others thought of me that I didn’t take the time to think about the one person whose opinion matters most — my own.
I know what makes me happy, and I know it might not amount to a successful career monetary-wise, but success to me is so much more than money. Success, to me, is knowing that I get to wake up every morning having pursued my passion, loving my life for the good and the bad and being surrounded by people I love and who love me in return.
It was definitely a challenge to condense all that I’ve learned in 22 years into a list of eight items, but these eight are what I have gleaned from being most important. While I cannot wait to see what the future holds, I’m also perfectly content to just keep living out the words of Miss Taylor Swift and just keep dancing like I’m 22!
