While everyone else basks in their athletically capable glory, you're more than likely hiding in the corner, trying not to get hit with something. You lack any and all ability to properly engage in sports. You can't run. You aren't strong enough to lift weights. You get tired after, like, five minutes of exercise. Your friends probably make fun of you for your ineptitude when it comes to sports. You're unathletic as all hell. You don't do that whole "physical activity" thing, unless it's seeing how long your eyes can look at your computer screen while you binge watch everything on Netflix. If you, too, are super unathletic, here are some things that are probably true about you when it comes to sports and other painfully physical things:
1. You're terrified of the ball. No, seriously.
There is nothing scarier than being in a sporting activity as an unathletic person and seeing that ball coming directly towards you. It's like a meteor plummeting from the sky, about to wipe out your entire life. The ball is your enemy and your greatest fear.
2. Even the lightest exercise wears you out.
After what is supposed to be considered a warm-up exercise, you're sweating and sort of dying, and you can't help but thinking, "Wait, that was only a warm-up? What happens during the whole thing?!"
3. People always tell you you'll work out more with a workout buddy, but you know that's a lie.
Um, why would you go to the gym with your friend when you could go eat some pizza with your friend? You know friend there or not, there's no way you'll ever have motivation to go to the gym. Let's be sedentary together, dear friend.
4. Gym class is your own personal hell.
Nothing fills you with absolute dread more than knowing you have to attend gym class. It's that class period where your lack of athleticism is on display for the whole world to see, and when you can watch everyone else show off their mastery of sports. It's hell, and you can't escape.
5. Everyone else loves dodge ball, and you can't stand dodge ball.
While everyone goes on about how fun dodge ball is, you can't think anything but how awful it is. A group of people stands in front of you, ready to pummel you nearly to death with a bunch of rubber balls. How is that fun?!
6. Whenever someone asks you to join a game of something athletic, you have to slowly scoot out of the picture.
You don't do sports, man. Sports are not your forte in any sense of the word. Why would people do sports together when they could, like, Netflix together?
7. Running is a nightmare for you.
You know that if there was a zombie apocalypse, you'd be dead the first day because you can't run. You look like you're a duck when you're doing it, and you won't make it 20 feet before you're out of breath. Running is not for you.
8. You have no hand-eye coordination.
You know how other people can shoot a basketball into the hoop? Yeah, that's not you. Even if the basket or goal or whatever it is the athletic people call it is right in front of you, there's no way you're making it.
9. Your lack of athleticism also translates into an apathy for professional sports.
While everyone around you loses their mind over football during the winter months, you're like, "But all of these new movies just got released on Netflix!" Just as you don't physically partake in sports, you surely don't devote your time to watching sports.
10. People think you don't care when you don't try in gym class, but it's really because you just can't do sports.
Your classmates get mad when you stand in the back and don't participate in the game. They say you just don't care about it. Well, while that may be true, you're not making yourself a part of it because you know, deep in your heart, that you just can't. It's out of your realm of ability. You stand in the back to avoid confronting your unathletic nature.
11. When people around you talk about sports, you have no clue what's going on.
Touchdown? 40 yard line? Traveling? What? You've been there before. You're sitting at a table or on the couch, and all of your friends start talking about sports. You just sit there, absolutely lost as to what they're discussing. It sort of sounds like they're speaking a foreign language. You're definitely gonna need a translator for your sports-speaking friends.
12. You've gotten hit in the face on more than one occasion while participating in sports.
It's like the ball knows you don't have an athletic bone in your body, so it wants to punish you for that by throttling you smack in the face. It's embarrassing and painful and it only seems to happen to you. Just more evidence as to why you and sports were not destined for each other.
