If you have a friend with a chronic illness, sometimes you may be at a loss for helpful words, so here are 11 positive things you can say that will build up your friend!

1. You can do this.

Make sure your friend knows that you believe in him or her and their ability to live with this illness, whatever it is. A little encouragement goes a long way for someone who is in chronic pain, dealing with fatigue or experiencing other health problems.

2. It’s okay to say no.

When you make plans with a friend who’s chronically ill, don’t assume anything. Energy and pain levels can change based on diet, exercise, and even the weather. Make yourself unoffendable. If you’re not offended by your friend having to say no to an outing because of how she feels, you’ll make it clear to her that her well-being means more to you than your own desires.

3. I love you.

Everyone needs to hear that their friends like having them around, especially if they are struggling daily with chronic pain or fatigue.

4. You’re my hero

My friends and family members with chronic illnesses are some of the bravest people I know. They face everyday life even though it literally hurts them. They’re rockstars and superheroes. Make sure they know it.

5. You do what you need to do.

Affirm your friend’s need to put herself first. If she bails on an outing or leaves early to go rest, recognize that she’s only doing what she needs to do to make herself feel better.

6. What makes you feel better?

Find out if your friend has favorite healing foods. Personally, I’m all about my blueberries. I absolutely love them, and they’re anti-inflammatory, so they make me feel better too! Find out your friend’s favorite healing food, so you know what’s okay to surprise them with when they’re feeling worn down. Nothing worse than surprising an ill person with the one food that makes them feel worse.

7. What do you want to do?

If you really want to spend time with someone who’s chronically ill, leave the choice of activity up to them. To someone with chronic pain or fatigue, a trip out, even a short one, can seem like an incredibly daunting task. Make it okay for them to suggest a coffee run instead, or watching a movie at home.

8. This is not your fault

Your friend may or may not experience this, but at least in my experience, there’s a great temptation to think, “I must have done something to deserve this.” Make sure your friend hears you dispel this rumor.

9. Is there anything I can do to make your life easier?

Sometimes I just can’t open a plastic bottle or jar. I just can’t do it. My friends are the kind of people who won’t judge me for that. Be your friend's bottle opener if needed.

10. Tell me more about your illness/pain/fatigue

You know what they say about knowledge. Your friend will love that you cared enough to ask.

11. You are more than your illness.

It’s easy to start identifying solely as the issue that weighs you down. Show your friend how much value they have to you, by recognizing all their great qualities. Their disease is just a small part of who they are, but it can take up so much time, it overwhelms them. Remind your friend how much you admire their sense of humor, patience, tenacity, etc.