There's some sort of unique energy associated with Portland, Oregon right now. By some mix of good publicity and strange coincidence, Portland's become associated with the idea of a place where young people come to retire, a sort of hipster mecca.

I don't like hipsters. Here's my list for what separates people who grew up in Portland from over-privileged folks who heard about the food carts:

1. You've bought a copy of "Street Roots"

Those of you just passing through have probably seen people selling the little weekly paper dominating the southwest side, but you're not really a Portlander until you've stopped and chatted with a vendor. In the past few years, "Street Roots" has made huge steps forward (including going to a weekly schedule) and are now one of the most respectable news sources in the Rose City. (Full disclosure: I used to work with them, so I may be a little biased.)

2. You hate the crowds at Voodoo Doughnut

It is incredible to see a local business do so well, but it's also now impossible to get a doughnut at any time of the day without waiting in line, sometimes for hours. In fact, I'll just come out and say it: you love Voodoo, but the culture of waiting in line for exorbitantly priced food is ruining everything in Portland. Sure, it's great to make your biscuits and gravy run into even more of an event, but sometimes, you've got stuff to do.

3. You don't own an umbrella

The surest way to tell a California resident up for the weekend is by their ridiculous piece of plastic attached to a metal stick. Those born and bred in the Pacific Northwest know that all you need to deal with the cold is one good raincoat and plenty of spite.

4. You know which bridges to take, and when

Mainly because you've gotten trapped on the Ross Island long enough to warrant bringing rations. Here's a big hint for anybody looking to come to P Town: try the Tillikum Crossing.

5. You've been to a Portland Beavers game

One of my favorite moments in live sports was watching young men in front of me betting on whether the ball would end up on grass or dirt at the end of the inning. Extra points if you've been to a Mavericks game.

6. You've been to somewhere in Oregon that isn't Portland

For the most part, Oregon's not that great a place to be unless you're hiking. But sometimes, you've got to go someplace that's not Portland, Eugene, or sometimes Salem. If you've ever gotten down in Corvegas, you probably know what I mean.

7. You know our city's not perfect at all

Any city growing as fast as Portland is tends toward gentrification. I'll admit that I've only lived in Portland since 2003, so I'd recommend checking out some other artists who have been writing and working on our city's growing pains.

8. You have a love-hate relationship with "Portlandia"

Yeah, "Wild" and "Leverage" and "Grimm" were all filmed in Portland, but none of them attached themselves so thoroughly to the name and energy of the place. The caricatures of the people around us are sometimes scarily accurate, but that doesn't mean they're not caricatures. The show's both a tribute to and a mockery of contemporary millennial culture, but anyone who thinks that someone who gave a high school graduation speech doesn't care about the city is gravely mistaken.

9. You've swam in the Willamette

Yeah, supposedly it's kind of dirty. What's life without a little risk, especially on a hot summer day?

10. You fear the Lake Oswego Police Department

If you're a kid trying to have fun, stay the heck out of L.O. Seriously.

11. You've read at least 10 of these lists, and you don't trust any of them

Maybe after the first one, you wondered if you were the real thing. The truth is, though, you could have done any or none of these things and have lived in Portland your whole life. "X Signs You're From [City]" articles inevitably degenerate into either vanilla nonsense or strange inside jokes, and this one is no different.

And yet we continue to read them, because we want to be that genuine person, the realest in the city. It's fun, I guess.