We’re all familiar with the stereotypical basic Halloween costumes. Chances are if you participate in any revelry around the week of October 30th, you’ll be mingling with hoards of nurses, cowgirls, lady-cops and cats, all involving various degrees of sexiness. But there are those of us who’ve absorbed so many episodes of Gossip Girl (and consumed such an exorbitant number of Starbucks Skinny Peppermint Lattes) for whom this level of basicness might just not be enough. The usual amount of basic has become blasé. We need something pure, something that screams “upper middle class white girl with excessive crafting time on their hands.” So, here are some ideas for Halloween costumes that will take you from a seven to a 14, and have you owning the pH scale all night.
1. Chipotle
Dress in neutral tones, throw a green hat on your head, wrap yourself in tinfoil and you can go out as every basic girl’s perpetual craving (“Ugh, I could sooooo go for Chipotle right now”). I’m not sure there’s a way to make a burrito sexy, but seeing as the Halloween industry has been doing it to pretty much every object imaginable (there does, in fact, exist, a sexy hamburger), I’m sure with a little glitter and some cleavage you’ll become the most delicious partier in sight.
2. Netflix
You don’t need to know that it was founded in 1997 by Marc Randolph and Reed Hastings in Scotts Valley, California. You don’t need to know that in 2013 a report listed Netflix as the biggest source of North American downstream web-traffic, bringing in 31.6% and surpassing YouTube (Sandavine). All you need to know is that Netflix is there for you when no one else is. And what better way to pay tribute to your unlimited access to One Tree Hill episodes than by dressing up like a giant red video-streaming service. Don’t ask me what exactly that entails. You’ll figure it out. And I can guarantee that you’ll receive a lot of warm looks from people who made you their rebound (along with a cute pint of Ben & Jerry’s)
3. Fads
If there’s one thing basic girls know how to do, it’s fads. All it takes is some savvy marketing and a little disposable income and your favorite designer will have you by the throat. The options are virtually limitless for this one. Dress up as Alex + Ani, Lokai bracelets, Bean Boots, North Face, the shirtdress, those cute little coordinate bar pendants, Birkenstocks, or all of the above. Just have a back-up costume in mind—what works for you Thursday night might be out by Friday, and that would be awkward.
4. Tumblr
If Twitter is the obnoxious loudmouth of social media, tumblr is that little emo kid in the corner. Indulge your inner angst by outfitting yourself as an endlessly-scrolling, sentimental quote-filled anonymous blog. Arrange yourself creatively; maximize your utilization of borders and spacing. If you build your costume out of Velcro, passerby can opt to detach your posts and reblog them, which is totes necessary if your looking for more followers. Just be sure to have a theme that involves plenty of heartbreak or female empowerment; the more the better.
5. A RelationshipGoals Twitter Account
Omg a distressingly handsome man is walking around the mall with a gorgeous baby in his arms while his equally attractive wife shops for shoes that is SO cute! And this boy sent his girlfriend a text saying she deserves to hear how beautiful she is every day. GOALS. If this is seriously so what you want out of life (omg there’s a couple lying in the back of a station wagon by a lake, can we just), let the world know by dressing up like the carefully curated online composite of all these perfect situations. My suggestion would be garb yourself with blue feathers and tp utter squeals of yearning every two to five minutes—we know that’s what the Twitterverse’s contingency of adolescent girls is doing anyway.
6. Letters
If you’re in a sorority, you already have iPhone cases, lanyards, t-shirts, car magnets, tumblers, wall art, headbands, coffee mugs and most of your life decorated with your letters. The next step up is dressing as your letters themselves. Why not? Maybe partner up with some sisters. You can be the A, they can be the Chi and the O. Just stay in order at all times because recruitment is 24/7 and you don’t want any PNMs getting confused and thinking you’re in XOA, that doesn’t even exist and would totally reflect poorly on the chapter.
7. Instagram Photos of Food
This Halloween, you could easily dress yourself up as your favorite food (see above Chipotle suggestion). But if you’re really basic, dressing up as an Instagram photograph of your favorite food would really take the cake. It’s like basic-ception. You’re not just California Pizza Kitchen’s Original BBQ Chicken Pizza, you’re the Gram of California Pizza Kitchen’s Original BBQ Chicken Pizza, and you’re 200 likes deep!
8. Pumpkin Spice
You love it in lattes, cookies, candles, soda, chapstick, everything, so why not just wear it? Forget sticking to one specific vegetable-flavored food—dress up like the flavor itself! It’s the only way to really exhibit the level of basicness you’ve so artfully acquired.
9. Fishing for Compliments
Three Ingredients: A skimpy outfit, a fishing pole, and a bucket full of little praises you wish your friends would voluntarily deliver 4 times a day, minimally 6 days a week. I mean, if they’re not consistently telling you your hair looks good are they even your friends? ARE THEY??
10. Organic
We basics like our food organic, our shampoo organic, even our bed linens organic. Who are we not to drop hefty amounts of cash so that nature can continue being nature the way it’s been naturally designed for millennia!? But with so many options for organic commodities—they make some killer organic cat toys (that may or may not be glorified dust bunnies)—how do you pick which one to exemplify your basicness? The answer is simple: be the quality you wish to see in your toothpaste! Wash off your makeup, take off your clothes, and embrace the Earth in its utter purity. Arrests may or may not follow.
11. Monogram
If someone can walk into your room without instantly knowing your initials, you frankly have no right to be calling yourself basic. You’re an embarrassment to the basic community. But fear not; the chance for redemption exists. Take the opportunity this Halloween to let the world guess your middle name (Is it Charlotte? Or Caroline??), and dress yourself as a monogram. I haven’t the slightest notion how to manifest this idea. Actually, it might not be possible. But that’s where the power of the basicness comes: pour the sangria, gather your girls, and pray to the Jenner girls for guidance. Chances are that inspiration will come—and if it doesn’t, you could always be a cat.
