I despise both presidential candidates equally, and am so tired of hearing "you need to vote." How can I vote for either of these two awful candidates to become the commander snd chef of our nation? I have compiled a list of 100 things I trust more than Hillary or Trump in office:
1. A prostate exam from Captain Hook
2. Anything coming from China
3. A street vender claiming to sell real purses
4. Casey Anthony with children
5. A drink a random person gave me
6. Wells fargo
7. A creepy guy saying my mother asked him to pick me up
8. Also a creepy guy carrying around a leash saying he lost his dog
9. People who put there right turn signal on and turn left
10. Being alone with Ray Rice in an elevator
11. Kim K's life choices
12. Britney Spears with an electric razor
13. The movie inspection
14. Tupac is still alive
15. Anybody that still wears crocs
16. The Chargers
17. Getting Plastic surgery in Mexico
18. Anybody who hates spongebob
19. Flint Michigans Tap water
20. People who think the holocaust was faked
21. Cocktails with Bill Cosby
22. OJ Simpson
23. The USGA
24. Bret Farves retirement
25. Plexico Buress with a Gun
26. That OBJ doesn't use stick'em
27. Arron Rodriguez (AROD)
28. Micheal Vick
29. That Tom Brady didn't know about the Deflate Gate
30. Soccer players faking for a red card
31. That Lebron didn't go back to Cleveland for another ring
32. Calculus
33. The entire state of Florida
34. The Bermuda Triangle
35. Jeffrey Starr
36. Honey boo boo and family.
37. Debbie Wasssamen Shultz
38. Kanye's Financial advisor
39. Christian Grey
40. The "Bernstein" bears
41. Buildings with a 13th floor
42. Al Capone’s accountant
43. A Blind woman threading my eyebrows
44. Gwen Stefani's ex nanny
45. The Cubs at the World Series
46. Ryan Lockte
47. Kim Jung Un
48. Putin
49. "Becky with the good hair"
50. The illuminati
51. Taylor Swifts snake bitch ass
52. McDonald's meat
53. Tiger Woods with women
54. Jameis Winston in a super market
55. Jerry Sundusky
56. Any teenager with a drone
57. Anybody who says they getting money
58. Bitches who can walk on sewer grates in heals and not get stuck
59. Sarah Palin
60. People who use text abbreviations in real life
61. A man who tells you a condom doesn't fit
62. People's online dating profiles
63. People that still use MySpace
64. Adds on Twitter
65. My cheating Ex boyfriend
66. Almost everyone I went to high school with
67. Both of my Cats
68. Miami Traffic
69. Oatmeal raisin cookies that look like chocolate chip cookies
70. Fortune’s in fortune cookies
71. People who don't eat Kit Kats one at a time
72. Napoleon
73. Johnny Manziel
74. That core classes are easy
75. The NCAA
76. People who do not like cheese (not including dietary or allergey reasons)
77. Gwenth Paltro naming children
78. Sony’s firewalls
79. Any Scientologist
80. The Chicago weather forecast
81. A guy who wears a suit to a dive bar
82. Gas station food
83. The Colombian Drug Cartel
84. A Russian that doesn't like Vodka
85. A water park open 365 days in Alaska
86. The Kool-Aid man
87. Port-A- potties
88. A broken clock
89. The person who told me Forever 21 is organized today
90. Cleopatra
91. The criteria of “being a witch” in the salem witch trials
92. People who still listen to Soulja Boy
93. People who think its okay to leave their dog in a car in the middle of summer
94. Getting into an accident in a smart car
95. Anybody on public transportation
96. A taxi driver who says he knows a “better way” to go
97. Most Airlines
98. Gucci Mane’s Patrol Officers
99. Fidel Castro
100. Justin Bieber
I'm still holding out hope that Mitt Romney will swoop in on a Bald Eagle and save us all.
