Today I happened upon a graphic featuring "the 10 different things not to say to a grieving person." While most of these were valid things you probably shouldn't say (like, 'well someone always has it worse than you,' as if that's going to magically make it all better,) I started thinking that there are so many not's, don'ts, and no's when it comes to helping someone out. So where is the list on what you SHOULD do to help a friend in a time of need? Whether they're grieving, suffering from any number of physical or mental illness, or just down in the dumps, here are ten things you should do in order to brighten someone's day.
1. Offer to listen.
Easier said than done, because sometimes listening can be tricky (especially if you're a man because they're hardwired to want to "fix" everything. But that's a different topic.) But really, lending an ear, if only for a few minutes each day will help anyone. Who knows, maybe the person you help might even talk out a solution!
2. Help them laugh.
Struggles, whether they be internal or external can obviously take a toll on one's mood, and laughter is probably the farthest thing from their mind. You know your loved one or friend best, so try telling them funny stories or jokes you know they'll like. Going out of your way to try and lift their spirits will make them feel loved and cared for, as well.
3. Be silent.
The biggest thing to avoid is filling the empty silences you might encounter with someone having a hard time. Just like they may want to talk, they may also want to be quiet. Let them be in their own emotions in the moment and don't force them to talk if they don't want to. Respect the individual and how they're processing the events in their life.
4. Appreciate them.
Chances are, if you're willing to take the time to learn how to help your friend you also appreciate them and enjoy their presence. Let them know that. For people struggling with common diseases like depression and anxiety they can often feel lonely and need some reassurance that the ones they love love them back!
5. Try (keyword: try) to understand them.
OK, this is tricky. You will NEVER be able to know EXACTLY what someone else is thinking, doing, or needs, but at least make an effort to sort of understand what they're feeling. There's nothing worse than being burdened by your own thoughts, let alone trying to express them and feeling like no one even cares. So please, for the sake of the one you love try and see it from their eyes.
6. Shower them in compliments and fill them with love.
Tell the sufferer all of the amazing things you think about them, and flood their life with positivity. There's nothing like trying to feel sad but being surrounded by so much happiness that it's harder to feel sad. Granted, this won't magically lift your friend out of their period of despair but it will help.
7. Express your sympathy.
They might be bitter and resent your "sympathy," but it's a small way of showing you care and you're concerned. Don't be afraid to say something because a how-to list told you not to show your compassion in your own words.
8. Let them have their time alone.
Unless you are concerned for this person's health, let them have their own time for reflection. Healing ultimately starts from within and will require a decent amount of time spent in solitude.
9. Do not give up.
Simply because their "getting better" will not happen overnight, do not become discouraged if it takes weeks, months, or years for someone to feel completely OK with themselves or with a situation that occurred. You cannot rush the process of healing and trying to do so will only cause strife.
10. Remember to love yourself.
Although helping someone whose suffering can make you feel like a better person, do not forget to take time for yourself as well. Dealing with these circumstances can create your own inner problems which will definitely not benefit your friend whatsoever, so remember to appreciate and love yourself for all of the care and commitment you've given to someone hurting.
No matter how much we all hate it, grief, pain, and suffering are natural parts of the human experience and you cannot hide from them. Arguably, some suffer more than others, but that does not make anyone's issues less valuable than the next person's. We are all here on our own unique journey's and respecting each others can only make things run more smoothly. Oh, and props to you for taking the time to read this, it means you're a special person!
