Introverts are not only a minority of the population, but we are also often seen in a negative light. Often people automatically associate “shyness” with “introversion”. However, if someone is an introvert, it really just means they get their energy from being alone, rather than from being with other people, like extroverts. As an introvert, I have always felt that in many ways, a lot of things I do are misjudged. For all of the introverts out there, I understand. Hopefully this gives you a different perspective on introverts and a better understanding of why we act the way we do.
1. We are not anti-social or unfriendly
We usually aren’t the first ones to introduce ourselves or start up a conversation. Yet, it’s not because we don’t like people. We love talking and interacting with others and learning more about them. Although we aren’t typically initiating the conversation, you’ll find that once you get us talking, it’s hard for us to stop.
2. When we aren’t talking, it doesn’t mean we are sad
Contrary to the last point, even though we do like to talk, many times we just don’t feel like talking. We may be tired, or we may just not have anything to say at the moment. This does not mean we are upset. Let me repeat that, this does not mean we are upset! Talking takes a lot of energy out of us and at some point we just need a break.
3. We do actually like going out
Social events can be extremely overwhelming and mentally exhausting for us. Additionally, the thought of attending a big party where we do not know anyone incites panic within us. Who are we supposed to talk to? What if we have no one to talk to? What do we talk about when we do find someone to talk to?! Also, some nights we just want to stay in, catch up on some Netflix and relax. This doesn’t mean we are loners, boring, lame, or don’t enjoy a good time going out with friends. We would just rather engage in more intimate social events. Or, some nights we would rather stay cooped up in our beds re-watching The Office for the fifth time.
4. If we aren’t best friends right away, it’s not because we don’t like you
Another aspect of introverts is that it takes us a lot longer than most people to completely open up to others. We may realized we really like a person after our first introduction, however, it’s usually going to take us a few weeks to warm up to them, and a few months to become close friends. We aren’t critical of people, we are just wary of who we let behind our “walls”. If you do become one of those people, feel very special because we don’t let just anyone in!
5. Even if we aren’t participating, we are still listening and interested
We may not be the student raising their hand to answer every question, or the one who always contributes in group discussions, however, it doesn’t mean we are disengaged. We like to listen and observe and we love learning new things. Often, we have tons of ideas running through our heads, that most times, we probably should share. We know that, but we often hesitate to share if we don’t feel completely comfortable in the situation.
6. We may be “onions”, but that doesn’t mean we don’t feel emotions
When we are upset, sometimes we won’t even open up to our close friends and family. Often times, it’s just assumed that we are numb to feelings or don’t have any emotions. Yet, we would disagree. We feel emotions very deeply and often spend ample time analyzing our feelings in our heads. Although it may take a few persistent, “are you sure you’re really okay?” type questions to get us to spill, in the end we never regret opening up.
7. To our crushes: we like you a lot more than you think we do
Like I said before, it’s hard for us to open up to people. This includes people we like. Many times, we struggle to express how we feel and in turn, our crushes are usually oblivious to our feelings. Sometimes when we don’t know what to say, we’ll avoid the person we like altogether. Clearly, we send a lot of mixed messages which can be very confusing. However, if we really like you, you’ll know it. Give us some time to let you in, and pay attention to the little signals we give you (like laughing at your bad jokes, or finding random excuses to talk to you).
8. We do like meeting new people
We love meeting new people, but hatehatehate small talk. Small talk may actually be an introvert's worst nightmare. We prefer having substantial, below-the-surface-level conversations. Shallow small talk is not only uncomfortable, but it also often feels kind of pointless.
9. We do not dislike extroverts
In fact, in a lot of ways we envy extroverts. We admire how easily they conquer social situations and how they can make friends so quickly. Yes, extroverts can overwhelm us a little at times. However, they make great friends. They’re the talkers; we’re the listeners, opposites attract, right?
10. We are aware that we can be frustrating and hard to understand at times
We know it’s annoying when we don’t tell you how we feel, or when we are awkward at big parties, or when it takes us twice as long to open up to you, or when we just refuse to talk. We know it all makes it a lot harder for you to get to know us. One of our greatest weaknesses is not pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones. We love feeling safe, which means staying in the quaint little circle of our field of comfort. However, when we do build up the courage and push ourselves outside of our comfort zones, the accomplishment we feel is so fulfilling and worth the risk. Be patient with us, and encourage us to take chances. Because if we don’t take any chances, how will we ever grow?
