When going to a sporting event, the experience often is not solely based upon the competition itself. In fact, the fans play an enormous role in the atmosphere of the game. After attending thousands of different sporting events, I have noticed the fans themselves come in all shapes and sizes. Therefore, you can pinpoint the following people at any given match, game, or competition, regardless of the sport or age level.
1. The *insert sport here* Mom
You can find her at nearly every game. She spends her hectic life splitting time between her children's sports' games. She often has younger children attached to her hip as she lugs her offspring from one match to the next. The *insert sport here* Mom starter kit usually includes a replica of her child's jersey, pom-poms, a mini-van, and a cowbell (or really any other obnoxious sound-making object). She can be heard across the gymnasium, rink, field, court, etc., and if she feels that her child has been discriminated against, the entire room will know.
2. The fathers who live vicariously through their kids
These dads picture their 5-year-olds as professional athletes. They talk about their children as if they can walk on water. They willingly pay thousands of dollars and hire the "best" trainers, and they get visibly upset when their children perform poorly. They constantly pressure their kids and force them to practice their sports day in and day out. The L word is forbidden in their homes because they only raise winners.
3. The annoying fans with short attention spans
These fans will either awkwardly climb over you or make you stand up each and every time they want something, which is about every ten minutes or so. They seem to have an unlimited bank account with the amount of food they consume at the ridiculously expensive arenas. Of course, because they consume so many beers and sodas, they frequently need to use the restroom and you, unfortunately, find yourself as a sort of human seesaw. Everyone dreads sitting next to these people at professional games.
4. The die-hard fans
These people are seen 24/7 in head to toe apparel of their favorite team. They know every player's name, stats, and even information that might be considered "stalking." These fans paint their faces and/or bodies. They are season ticket holders and will show up to outdoor games in rain or shine because they schedule their own lives around their favorite team.
5. The know-it-all fans
Sitting next to these fans is almost as annoying as sitting next to the fans with short attention spans. They will quiz you about the stats of your team's players to try to prove their superior knowledge. Every time you answer a question correctly, they will try to one-up you by providing information that nobody cares about.
6. The screamers
Whether they are cheering for their favorite team or yelling at the officials, your eardrums will rupture by the end of your sporting event if you sit next to this fan the whole time. They often yell incorrect instructions at players or state the obvious (such as "SHOOT THE BALL!") They make their presence known, and irritate everyone around them including the officials. If voting for superlatives was something that happened on a daily basis instead of being reserved for high school yearbooks, this fan would receive "most likely to get thrown out of a given event."
7. The Silent Observers
You are blessed if your random seat at a professional game is adjacent to one of these fans. These people watch the world around them without saying anything. They are true fans, and they get excited when their team plays well, yet they are courteous to others and maintain a quiet and reserved disposition. These fans are the exact opposites of the screamers.
8. The chirpers
Chirp (verb) - to smack talk. These fans trash talk anyone who breathes, especially the referees and the opposing team. Many of their chirps are vulgar and offensive. One of their most overused phrases is "I'm blind. I'm deaf. I want to be a ref." These are the fans who are most likely to get in a fight, and their chirps are often influenced by their consumption of alcohol. As Rihanna would say, all they do is chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp.
9. The sign holders
These fans are obnoxious on a new level, especially if their seats are in front of yours. They will wave their cheap homemade signs in front of your face for most, if not all, of the sporting event. Their main goal is to be recognized on the jumbotron at the stadium. Although some of the signs can be witty, many of them are unoriginal. Funny or not, nine times out of ten, the signs will be in the way of your view.
10. The drunk fans
If the game is not providing enough entertainment, these fans certainly will. With their drunken slurs and spastic movements, you will be laughing all night... unless of course they spill their alcohol on you or vomit nearby. Whether they are falling down stairs or simply making fools out of themselves in other ways, they will supply you with unforgettable memories, even though they will not remember anything from the night.
