My father once told me that in order to become successful, we must not only learn from our own experiences, but also the experience of others. He’d said this as my softball coach in order to get me to watch the game instead of chatting with my friends while our team was at bat, but since I have grown older and have stopped playing softball, his words have taken on a new meaning.
In my freshman year of college, I became fascinated with literary quotes. My dorm room walls became covered with arbitrary thoughts from books and pop culture. I flooded my social media accounts with relevant sayings that I accumulated in order to cope with stress. I allowed the words that were spoken or written based on the experiences of others to help improve my own life experience, and I found that it profoundly changed my outlook on life.
Sometimes we may feel as though our struggles are completely unique to us, when as it turns out many people have been presented with similar obstacles and have survived to tell the tale. If we listen to what they are saying, maybe it will help us face our own hardships too.
1. “People aren’t either wicked or noble. They’re like chef salads, with good things and bad things chopped and mixed together in a vinaigrette of confusion and conflict.” - Lemony Snickett
When someone mistreats you, no matter how minor it may be, sometimes it is easy to judge this person as hurtful, vindictive, or mean. When you are upset with someone it is hard to see his or her positive qualities. But we must remember, as Lemony Snickett pointed out, there are good things and bad things about everyone. No one is “wicked” or “noble.” Nobody’s perfect, and that goes for all of us.
2. “It is better to be hated for what you are, than loved for what you are not.” - Andre Gilde
A thought that has unsettled me for years is the fact that there is a higher likelihood of any person being changed by the world instead of changing it themselves. Complacency is key in our society -- everyone wants to fit in. People are all right with sacrificing their unique talents in order to blend in with the crowd, for fear of being disliked. As human beings, it is completely normal and natural to be this way, however, it has been suggested that many successful people have found their success just by standing out.
A major lesson that I learned in my first few years of college is that not everyone will like me, and that’s okay. In fact, the higher of an impact I have on those who surround me, the more people will end up disliking me. The thought of someone thinking ill thoughts about me used to keep me up at night, but gradually I have come to realize that perhaps occasionally when the right people dislike you, it can be a good thing.
Besides, I only get one life; one chance to be me. Looking at it from that perspective, it’s far more important to be who I am, than to try to live up to the expectations of others.
On the flip side, when I found that I could be my authentic self and those with whom I surrounded myself still loved me for it, that is when I realized that I had found my true friends … they were supporting me all along.
3. “Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”- Abraham Lincoln
Be kind and respectful to everyone you encounter. Always. No matter who they are. This especially includes people who you may not like, and who may not like you. I learned this lesson the hard way, and it changed my life for the better.
It takes a strong person to kind to his or her enemies. Though it was definitely easier said than done, I discovered that I became infinitely stronger when I forgave my enemies instead of holding a grudge,I would no longer let them get under my skin.
No matter what a person may have done to you in the past, you will ultimately destroy any power that they have over you by simply forgiving them, being kind, and moving on.
Note: this is not to say that it is ever acceptable to allow yourself to be mistreated. When you feel as though someone might be headed down that road with you, it is imperative that you be assertive and firm, but in a respectful and considerate manner.
4. “Living well is an art that can be developed: a love of life and ability to take great pleasure from small offerings and assurance that the world owes you nothing and that every gift is exactly that, a gift. ” - Maya Angelou
It is important to remember that we are not entitled to anything in this world. There are people in the world who have more than we have, but there are many other people in the world who do not have as much as we have. It is also very important to remember that life changes extremely fast, and that what we have today, we may not have tomorrow. Therefore, we must be grateful for all that we have, and by practicing gratitude, we will learn to live better.
5. “If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”- J.K. Rowling
It is not always easy to read the character of every person you meet. As a general rule it may be of your benefit to avoid those who mistreat others who they deem to be beneath them. In many cases, these people may believe that they are asserting their superiority by belittling others, when really they are only showcasing their obvious fundamental problems and insecurities.
It is not very difficult to spot an insecure person if you know what to look for. Insecure people gain power by attacking those who they believe can’t fight back in order to fill a void within themselves. Their sense of worth is completely wrapped up in a misguided sense of their own authority. Insecure people can be, and typically are bullies.
Many times, these people may hold positions they perceive to be "powerful" such as being a leader in friendships, on teams, in clubs or other types of work environments and use these positions to assert themselves over others. Simply associating yourself with someone who has these tendencies can be very exhausting morally and physically. It’s important to keep your eyes open for red flags when getting to know the people around you so that you won’t find yourself wrapped up in an insecure person’s melodrama. It's a heavy weight, which you do not need to carry!
6. “We accept the love we think we deserve.”- Stephen Chbosky, "The Perks of Being a Wallflower"
It all seems so straightforward: the love we receive is reflected by the love that we give to ourselves. However, it goes deeper than that, and begs the question: what kind of love do we think we deserve?
Though there may not be a direct answer to a question like that, the love that we think we deserve manifests itself in the friendships and relationships we build and the activities that we invest our time and energy into. The amount of love that you believe you deserve shines straight through your words and actions.
The people with whom we spend the most time are reflections of our own confidence levels. Therefore, the more that we love ourselves, the more we open ourselves up to becoming closer to others who are emotionally secure and supportive of who we are, versus wasting our time and energy on those who are demeaning, negative and toxic.
Rule of thumb: what you put out there will come back to you, and you will grow to be most like the people whom you surround yourself with. (Choose wisely!)
7. “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.”- Marthe Troly-Curtin
It’s five p.m. on a weeknight and you have allocated some time to work on homework that is due by tomorrow morning, yet you have discovered that it is your friend’s birthday and you’ve been invited to celebrate. Homework is important, don’t get me wrong, but the time that you spend with others is more important, because it is not replaceable.
It is crucial to live our lives to the fullest, even if it means putting off our responsibilities once in a while. It’s important to be reliable and hardworking, but one cannot successfully be both without sometimes taking a break and living in the moment. Cherish your friends, family, and the moments that you have the privilege to spend with them.
8. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”- Eleanor Roosevelt
One amazing fact that I realized over this past year is that the words of others do not have power unless you give them power. Furthermore, as I was working to distance myself from all of the toxic people in my own life, I discovered something else: that the troubling people who aren’t immediately around you don’t have to exist to you if you don’t want them to. If they aren’t good for you, and aren’t immediately intertwined with them in your everyday activities, do they actually exist?
When a tree falls and no one is around to hear it does it make a noise?
It’s the same magic at play.
9. "Speak softly and carry a big stick. You will go far." - Teddy Roosevelt
Work to be gentle with yourself and with others, but do not, under any circumstances, allow others to take advantage of you. Teddy Roosevelt certainly did not encourage others to walk around with actual sticks, but with his words, he did figuratively encourage others to stand up against injustice while still being diplomatic and mindful of others. “Carrying a big stick” is equivalent to standing your ground and not allowing others to walk all over you. Be kind, always, but remember that you are a person who deserves respect and to be treated equally, just like everyone else.
The bottom line is that no one has the right to treat you with disrespect in any situation, no matter who you are or where you come from.
You should treat all people with due respect as well.
10. "Behold the turtle. He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out." - James. B. Conant
My parents always used to say: “The squeaky wheel gets the grease.” They said it in a disapproving manner, implicating their distaste for people who are annoyingly outspoken in order to get their way, but as I grew older, I learned that being the squeaky wheel sometimes has it’s perks. You shouldn’t go around demanding that you get your way all of the time, but you should by all means, put yourself out there when it comes to to following your dreams.
I used this quote by James B. Conant in a speech that I made while running for Class President during my senior year of high school. It was a close race, and I lost, but looking back, my campaign wasn’t about winning the election. It was about proving to myself that I was brave enough to try. It was to prove that I had enough courage to be myself and do great things despite the long list of people in my life who consistently expressed to me that believed otherwise.
In high school, I had many setbacks. There were many people -- friends, coaches, teachers, music promoters, and even some family members -- who openly expected me to fail and did not hesitate to tell me so. Amidst all of the negativity and discouragement in my life at that time, I adopted this quote as my mantra. I wasn’t about to hide in my shell because someone told me that I “wasn’t good enough.” Instead, I became a professional singer-songwriter and musician, co-MVP of my county as a softball pitcher, and a double major in college. I did improv comedy for a little while, and am currently a part of the dance company, host a radio show, and beginning my time as a music director for the radio station at my school.
Setbacks will come no matter where you end up in life. I’d had my share of disheartening events in my two and a half years of college. Everyone has, I guarantee it. I guess the moral of my story is that you should never settle for less than you deserve. You should never hide who you are based on what others think or say about you.
I am a true believer that everyone has incredible talents waiting to be discovered. I believe that we are all equal, and despite the fact that not everyone gets a fair amount of opportunities all of the time, we are equally as gifted as the next person. We all just need the courage, motivation and bravery to uncover these gifts, especially when the odds seem to be stacked against us.
Bonus quote:
"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."
— Max Ehrmann ("Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life")
This is where I leave you: with my favorite quote of all time (so far.) This is my current mantra, on which I try to base my life. I hope that you can draw inspiration from this quote, and all of the quotes that I have shared as much as I have. I hope that you will find peace and happiness in your life, and share it with others.
