The suite life is not exactly the sweet life if you know what I mean. For three months, I am living in a hotel while completing a summer internship. The hotel I am staying in is nice, and I was excited to have a pool and work out room right at my fingertips. When I confirmed my booking, I was delighted to find out that I had a king size bed all to myself, and since I wasn't paying the energy bill, I was ready to crank that thermostat down to a crisp 65 to battle the egg-frying Alabama summer.
It is now my third week in the hotel, and let me just say Zack and Cody grossly oversold this whole hotel situation.
1. Room service is a luxury you really can't afford.
Sure, in your head, you're thinking, "Hey, I'll just order room service and I won't have to leave my snuggly king size bed." But then you get to the hotel and realize you don't want to pay for someone to deliver a ham and cheese sandwich so, you end up tracing down a grocery store and slathering the mayonnaise on yourself.
2. There is no "Mr. Mosby" and the desk clerk is practically someone different every time you walk into the lobby.
I thought, you know, I'll make friends with the receptionist, it'll be cute. We can have a bond. But this is false. I never know which of the seven people are going to be there and when I saw the same one two days in a row, I smiled and she asked if I was checking out.
3. Housekeeping is no longer fun.
The first few days, it was nice having someone make my bed, bring fresh towels, and overall, have the room looking spiffy when I got back each day, but eventually, it became a crisis all its own. You see, when you stay at a hotel and leave trash from last night's takeout around the room or forget to pick up all your dirty clothes before leaving, it's no big deal. They're total strangers you'll probably never see again. Well, while I may not see the same receptionist twice in one week, I will 100 percent, without a doubt see the same cleaning crew every day and now they know that I have been eating my feelings and can't even keep a room clean for 24 hours.
4. You can't really have friends.
I thought I'd be able to make a friend or to, but during the week it's mostly elderly people with cute dogs they don't want you to pet, and the weekends it's usually young families. There aren't exactly dozens of 21-year-olds staying at a hotel this far from the beach. But even if you do manage to meet someone you might want to get to know, they'll be gone in a couple of night, and they couldn't care less about the girl living in 2015.
5. The pool is a no-go.
Remember the lovely families that visit? Yes, well they monopolize the pool, so unless you want to be splashed by the dang Little Mermaid you better just stay in your room. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Can't you just go during the week?" Well, no, I can't because it's also a designated smoking area, and I enjoy uninhibited breathing, Karen.
6. The rooms are sterile and lonely.
Sure, it's nice, but there aren't any parts of yourself or reminders of home in this crisp, 65-degree room. There's no one to lay in the king size bed with, no one to binge watch Netflix on that flatscreen with, and certainly no one to count the bathroom tiles with. If, you know, you're into that sort of thing.
7. So, you'll count bathroom tiles.
Hotels are quite boring when you're alone. So boring, in fact, the one might find out that there are 24 and a half tiles in the bathroom. There are also 127 and 1/4 wooden planks on the floor. Not that I counted them, twice.
8. Feeding yourself is actually a whole struggle.
You want to be healthy, but there is only so much a person can do with a microwave and a mini-fridge that doesn't even have a freezer. Who does that?
9. Your unassigned, assigned parking spot is always taken.
I feel like I should have propriety here. I mean, I am staying here for like my whole life basically. You don't need the spot under the oak tree as much as I do Sharon, It's all I have in this world. Remove your minivan at once! Your little pool tyrants can walk a little farther.
10. You really just miss home, your people, and your pets.
That's really the truth. As I sit in my hotel room, alone, typing this article I just want to snuggle up with my best friend under a fluffy blanket and binge watch true crime dramas.
