"You're just saying that because you're my friend."
A familiar phrase to each of us, I am sure. Whether we uttered the words ourselves or had it told to us by our best friend, it seems as though telling people nice things, just for the sake of being nice, is wrong and a hit to a person's self-esteem.
Telling people they're beautiful or intelligent because we are close to them is something society has condemned due to the sheer importance it places on good qualities over good people. We're told to compliment people on certain things, such as his or her creativity or wit, rather than flatter a person as whole.
It makes sense when it comes to complimenting a lady on your commute to work about her gorgeous eyes, or a child's politeness at a weekly church service, because we do not know those people well enough to go further and say we love them — we only know one aspect about them after all, one aspect we view as good. Even with peers or closer friends, I can be complimented on "my positive personality that gave you the confidence to eat another piece of cake" and "my humor that made your day," but it isn't too often I hear my acquaintances say "even though you're stubborn, I love you."
When I said you are beautiful, I meant it, but not in the physical way, at least not completely. Yes, you're gorgeous, but I believe you're a beautiful person with a pure soul and warm aura. I don't believe you're beautiful because your lashes are thicker and the color of your dress compliments your skin tone. You could have three days' worth of bedhead and smudged makeup, and I would still tell you you are beautiful. You're still intelligent even if you mixed up the ABCs or forgot the quadratic formula. You're still considerate even if you choose a restaurant you like more over one I do, still kind despite telling me something rude. You are still you, despite doing things that don't always match the qualities many people say you have ... You aren't those qualities. You are you.
I am choosing to value you as a person over the words that are meant to describe someone but not meant to be someone. I am a nice person, but I am not just nice. I am also very empathetic, open-minded, naïve and an apprehensive person. I am both positive and negative qualities alike. I am Megan. When we start to limit people to certain adjectives and words, we are limiting their potential. For example, often overweight people are presumed to be lazy, but so many people who are "overweight" according to an outdated measuring system, are just as active as people at a lower weight.
From personal experience, the assumption that I was "smart" caused me to fear failure and spend more time on taking care of my work rather than taking care of myself. When I got my first A-, I was devastated because I felt like that a perfect GPA was what I was, all that I was, because so many people called me smart. However, I am learning now that I can still be me, even if I don't follow what is "expected." People who are attractive are not just attractive. People who are intelligent are not just intelligent. The moment we assume a single adjective, other than the encompassing "beautiful," is the moment we assume too much. To be beautiful means to be you, because the word covers both physical and personality qualities. Beautiful means "pleasing the senses," which is all you do.
With the issue dissected of automatically assuming a person has to fit a certain description, I have to say I have a major issue with "you're just saying that because you're my friend." I am not calling you beautiful because I am being kind, I am calling you beautiful because I value you as a person over a mere word that everyone seems to be hung up on. I always say, "You are beautiful because you are you."
Because you are beautiful because you are you.
