This past holiday season, my roommates and I had an apartment Christmas. We played Christmas movies (including “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” and “Perks of Being a Wallflower” because they both have Christmas in them, right?). We bought sparkling grape juice and made chocolate cake, and in the evening we gathered in the living room to open presents and watch Jim Carrey prance around in a hairy green suit. It was just a little thing during the hectic panic of finals week, but it was as good as a month of therapy. Why? Because for two hours, we ignored our study guides, notecards and final projects to just sit around and have fun with each other.

There are a ton of “Finals Week Survival Guide” articles out there, but this isn’t one of them. Spending time with friends is obviously a great way to de-stress during finals week. Getting presents isn’t too bad, either. But that’s not the point. This isn’t an article bashing millennials for spending all their time on their phones and no time enjoying each other’s company, which is crap anyway. Most importantly, this is not an article about Christmas, about putting aside arguments and hatred for that sacred day of pretending to like the present Weird Cousin Gene got you. We all know it’s easier to smile, throw tinsel in the air, and shout, “Joy to the world!” than it is to sit down for a holiday dinner with your racist uncle and not get into a fight. Christmas is great. Christmas is fun. You don’t need an article to know that.

So what is this article about? I guess it’s about realizing family isn’t just the people who show up every year on December 25th. It’s about realizing family is who you love and who loves you.

Family is weird, guys. When I first came to college, home was still with my parents, in the small town I grew up in. It’s only been three years and home has shifted from a building to wherever my friends are. Now I know that cliché saying is true: home is where the heart is. And right now, home is my roommates, who take turns hiding a creepy toy in each other’s rooms. Home is my boyfriend, who teaches me how to play Xbox (those two joysticks don’t make sense to my Gamecube-trained thumbs). Home is my best friends who are planning a celebratory Star Wars marathon and are already stocking up on sparking grape juice for our New Year’s Eve party.

It will be nice to see my grandparents and cousins this Christmas. It will be nice to talk and laugh with my parents and brother again. But my family is much bigger now, and Christmas dinner with the relatives isn’t the most important holiday gathering any more. And you know what? That is completely okay.

Family is where you are free to be yourself. Take time—not just at Christmas, but any time, any day—to spend with your real family. It will do your heart good.