Insecurities are something I’ve struggled with a lot in my life. They’ve affected some of my relationships and they’ve prevented me from doing things that I’ve wanted to do. After my first year of college, I’ve learned a lot about insecurities. Through meeting others at college, I’ve learned that some of your “weaknesses” can be what someone finds super attractive about you. It hit me one night when I was watching my friends interact with each other. Everyone has different thoughts and preferences in life, and that allows what one person views as an insecurity to be what another person finds super attractive.

Insecurities all come down to how you perceive yourself. Obviously, you are incredibly aware of your insecurities. Other people aren’t, and unless you express them or are very obvious about something being an insecurity, most people won’t know what your insecurities are. At college, so much is happening for everyone, and there is that feeling that your insecurities don’t matter to anyone. Some of what I considered to be insecurities have been turned around because my friends don’t view them in the same light I do, and I realized that my insecurities are what I make them to be.

People don’t perceive you the way you perceive yourself. Once you have that realization and accept it, a lot of your insecurities start to shrink. In life a lot of times you’re told not to care what other people think, just do what makes you happy. But so often we ignore the fact that people probably didn’t care to start with. For example, you may be super self-conscious about being in a swimsuit. But if you’re at a swimming pool or visiting the lake, people probably aren’t paying attention to what you look like in the first place. They might notice you, but having a specific hurtful thought about you is not the first thing that is going to go through their mind. And if a hurtful thought is the second or third thing to come to their mind, so what? You don’t know them and probably won’t ever see them again, let alone remember them. I know it hurts to have someone hit on one of your insecurities, but people who matter in life won’t do that to you. If a person makes you feel shitty for one of your insecurities, do they really care about you? If my friends have an insecurity that bothers them, I tell them it isn’t a big deal because it doesn’t bother me. It doesn’t change our relationship because who they are is why I care about them. When a friend tells me about an insecurity, I want nothing more than to help them move past it and feel confident about it.

I’ve had discussions about insecurities with my best friend. It was weird because as we were revealing some of our deepest insecurities, we both had moments of “What? Really?! THAT bothers you? No way! That’s not a huge thing at all! Why are you worried about that?” It was comforting to learn that we felt that way about each other’s insecurities. People don’t judge you off of your insecurities. Sure, they might come into play later when they get to know you more, but insecurities aren’t what defines you as a person. So often I think we forget that when we’re trying to make decisions in life.

It’s important to know what your insecurities are, but it is equally important to push your comfort zone and not let those insecurities affect you. Insecurities don’t define you as a person, so don’t let them define the moments, hours, or even days that you are given. Live up to the potential of the moment and don’t let it be constrained by an insecurity.